We've got a whole hand now

I still use the Internet lots (Twitter, Instagram, some Facebook) but this space has been sitting quiet for a long time and when I think about it, I just… don’t know what to think. Telling my stories in this medium was my original step into the online world and it is also the one that ultimately feels the most natural to me. But on the other hand I haven’t actually been doing it for so long, so is it really that natural? Do I even need it or want it any more?

Ugh, sorry, I know this type of hideously self-indulgent navel-gazing helps no one. It’s just hard to get started without it, after almost a year of silence.

Anyway, I’m back because this blog contains stories of all my children, or did until now, and I can’t let it go without the story of the newest one.

We learned that he was on the way last November (very early on the morning of the 8th, to be exact - I wouldn’t suggest waking up and taking your temperature and then telling your husband you might be pregnant at 5:00 in the morning unless you want him to actually go to the store and get you a pregnancy test right then because ain’t no one sleeping with that hanging over your heads) (now that I think of it, I guess I told him because I did want him to go get the test… but I felt dumb for not just rolling over and going back to sleep instead of reaching for the stupid thermometer. The whole thing would’ve been just as meaningful after the sun rose.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes so this pregnancy falls in the special category that, in my experience, many Catholic NFP users know well: not unplanned, but not achieved on purpose, more like: we had reached a point where we weren’t motivated enough to avoid pregnancy with any particular… assiduousness. Ergo: two bright lines on that 6:00 am test.

Of course the delightful thing about a baby is that he (spoiler alert!) is a person, an end in himself, and therefore becomes totally worth the trouble by the fact of his very existence. Even if it doesn’t feel like that immediately (pregnancy nausea can die in a fire, as can “irritable uterus;” this was unfortunately not an easy pregnancy) it is objectively true and feels immediately true and truer once I’m face to face with him.

People who’ve been reading my blog since the beginning or near the beginning *waves at all three of you* have commented to me that it’s notable that I started this blog because of our failed attempts to conceive and now here I am with so many children that I almost need two hands to count them. Believe me, I’ve noticed too. I think every summer about myself in the summer of 2005, the darkest year of my life so far, and how amazed she would be to see me now. The dawn that came after that year has been so much brighter than I imagined or hoped it could be.

And now we have added to our brood of rapidly-growing (seriously; the lengths of their legs and the sizes of their feet are starting to terrify me) big kids, a brand new tiny one:

Felix Thomas, born 12:59pm on Friday, June 24, 2016. 6 pounds, 12 ounces, 20 inches long. Blessedly healthy, close enough to term as to make no difference, came home with us. We could not be happier to have him.

Comments

[Kira]

Gosh, he's beautiful. I remember back to the beginning. Such a beautiful journey you've been on!

[Ellen]

I'm glad you could work in your maiden name. I read recently that blogs are going out of style for newer social media forms. But not for me. I love reading the news and daily happenings and thoughts of my favorite writers.

[Ksmaybe]

Congratulations!!!! He's wonderful :). I don't think I make the cut of three, but I've been reading since zero kids. I now have 3 of my own and my own checkered OB history. Hugs and congrats from here.

[Kate]

Congratulations! I guess I'm one of the three, then? He's gorgeous.

I miss blogging and still get a post up every couple months. I miss the community aspect even more though--the days of hat tips and cross-linking and blog rolls and visiting every blog on your blog-reader every day, coming away inspired with something to add to the conversation. I guess Facebook and Twitter and other social media slowly pushed that blog model out, but they don't foster the same kind of thoughtful reflection and thinking-together somehow.

It's like letter writing--I recently took up writing actual handwritten letters again, and was amazed to find how different it is from anything else. Email and then FB and texting pushed out handwritten letters, but none of those quite fill that role of writing as much to yourself as to a friend, developing little essays and drawing out your thinking and your experiences into these windows into another heart.

And now you can tell I'm getting old, waxing on about lost arts and golden days. :-)

Hug that baby! You have beautiful kids.

[Michelle]

Congratulations! Wonderful news! I've been reading since zero kids also. Felix shares a birthday with my oldest, a girl with three younger brothers: a singleton and twins. I very much enjoy the stories of your family since we are just a year or so behind you.

[Bernadette]

You perfectly described our approach to NFP! A great way to answer all those folks who ask me again and again: "was this one planned? How many more will you have?" (Questions which border on vulgarity, in my opinion) children can never truly be "accidents" because that implies they are a mistake- and they could never ever be a mistake. So precious!

[Elsha]

I just love this so much.

[Sara]

I haven't been around since the beginning, but have been around since before no. 2. What a long way you've come! He's adorable. I hope you all enjoy him lots.

[Sarahd]

*Waves back!* Been here since before Camilla. So glad to see a post from you, especially such a happy one:). Congratulations!

[Ashley]

Congratulations! I don't keep up with Twitter and Instagram anymore, so I'm glad you decided to share the news here. :)

[Shanee]

Yay! It has been a long time, but I was delighted to see your post in my reader!

[Suzanne]

What a beautiful post, and a beautiful baby! Love seeing photos of him and the rest of your light-filled family!

[reenie]

Congratulations to you and Bryan (And Camilla, Blaise, Ambrose and Linus, your parents, siblings, etc. of course, as this baby is a gift for them as well, as part of his loving family)!

I started reading before you had children, right when you were on the cusp of fertility testing, and decided against it, at the "wait" you had been given in answer to your prayers.

I recently picked back up at that point, and read through your archives over the past few weeks. Just this morning, I thought to myself, "Still in 2014, thank goodness I still have two years of writing before I catch up to real time and have to wait for a new post". DARN YOU, 2015! You are a sneaky, post-less year, and I do not enjoy you right now.

While reading, I often thought to myself how rare and wonderful your heart and mind are. You have provided insight, patience, and a thankful heart with the way you study life and pull meaning out of the every day world. You brought me to tears as I contemplated the beauty of your mind's inner workings. Thank you for sharing your life with us over the years.

I hope you continue to write here. You have given so many of us so much, and I feel like maybe you're a friend I just haven't met yet, and I am so fortunate to have found you.

[Molly]

What a gorgeous picture of you three! Congrats!! (I think I started reading juuuuuust before you got pregnant with Camilla.)

[Anne]

Wow! Congratulations!
I don't know what made me come to check on your blog. I'm so glad to see such delightful news.
I was floundering about, dealing with my body's refusal to get pregnant in 2004, when I came across your blog. Your words helped me through that period and for that I thank you. And here you are, with 5 kids! And I have 3. What luck we have had.
Be well. Snuggle that sweet little guy!

[Antonia]

You don't know me, but I've been reading since 2005, and have enjoyed following your life and growth of your family.
God bless and congratulations!
Antonia
(England)