Ouch

I took copious notes throughout my day yesterday and am working on putting together a day in the life post, but the reason it isn't ready is the same reason I almost didn't manage to write at all anything tonight: ohhhh my head hurts.

Do you get migraines? I can't say I recommend it. In fact I heartily disrecommend it.

I've always been headache prone due to jankity sinuses, but I would only get a couple killer headaches a year. It wasn't until last summer or early fall that I started having them regularly, two or even three a week. It correlated with weaning and cycle regulation after over seven continuous years of pregnancy and/or nursing, so I suspected a hormonal cause, but it's hard to nail that stuff down. And anyway there wasn't much to do about it except get pregnant again, which seemed kind of extreme as a headache remedy, so instead I started working with my doctor and it's been months of trying different meds and chasing down triggers and yadda yadda yadda.

(I also collected advice for a while, but I'm done with that stage now, although I thank you for your kind instincts. I'm still collected sympathy if you've got any extra.)

One tough thing for me about having chronic or recurring pain is that I tend to play Reverse Pain Olympics, so I'm always reminding myself how much worse other people have it. And then one day I can't stop crying and I feel like life is too big and hard and WHY? Why am I so overwhelmed when on paper my day to day life is so much easier than it was a year ago?

Then I remember: my head hurts all the time. That does tend to wear a person down.

So it's this constant balancing game trying to prevent the pain from starting in the first place (stress and exhaustion appear to be my migraine triggers, I discovered after a hardcore elimination diet, but my sinuses are a nasty wild card all their own), managing it when it inevitably shows up, and keeping all the necessary parts of my daily life happening through it. It's difficult.

And when my head doesn't hurt at the moment, I'm such a jerk, I can't remember why the headaches are a big deal. Why not simply rise above them and continue carrying out the tasks of my vocation with elegance?  But then another one hits and it's like... OHHHHH YES THIS. Sorry, can't talk about living a meaningful balanced life just now because it appears someone managed to shove invisible ice picks in there above my eyebrows.

(I'm promise I'm only a jerk to myself. If YOU have headaches, I feel terrible for YOU, and cut YOU all kinds of slack.)

The headaches have kept me much quieter than usual online this winter, and I've been hibernating socially, which makes my extrovert self miserable. (Thank goodness for the phone chats and iMessage, or I'd be gibbering by now.)

Also, I know this is an unoriginal sentiment, but I'm so ready for this winter to be over so we can go outside and not have to literally hibernate any more.

Bah.

Comments

[Tracy]

I had terrible horrible migraines after I weaned Nina.

They were definitely hormonal but they were bad. I ended up on Imitrex and thankfully have an aura so I could short-circuit them usually.

They stopped when I got pregnant with Robbie.

And though I have occasional migraines now, they are no longer the horrible terrible please let me die migraines I had then.

Your mileage may vary and like you, getting pg seems a bit extreme a solution. I'm just glad that mine stopped and I hope you get a handle on yours because they suck the joy out of living.

[parodie]

Oh, i have so much sympathy for chronic headache sufferers. I've had chronic headaches my whole life (when I was young I wasn't sure I really understood the concept of "headache" because when people used it they seemed to mean something that went away; mine didn't really). As a result of this I am an absolute expert at not noticing that I have a bad headache until I am short-tempered and grumpy and nothing seems to be working and ... oh right, I have a headache again. Keeping a headache diary was what helped me get doctors to take me seriously, but even then... Bah.

Headaches really are miserable. Loads of sympathy. I hope you find something that works.

[Claire]

Uggh, my heart goes out to anyone who struggles with migraines. I don't have migraines per se, but I do get bad headaches several times/month. There are so many triggers: dietary, fatigue, hormones,...and it's so much worse when you have a lifestyle (as most mothers do) when sleeping it off is not feasible. I hope this resolves for you soon!

[HereWeGoAJen]

I get this really weird spot on my right thumb when I am not pregnant or nursing. It's like an eczema patch or something? But it cracks and bleeds and hurts and sometimes I consider whether being pregnant all the time isn't really a better option. Even though it is just a stupid little thumb thing.

[Lisa]

I do that sometimes too...think about what a wimp I am during a headache when so many people are suffering more. But headache pain (esp. migraine pain) is so crippling. It is a real thing to be incapacitated by it, or at least extremely limited. You are not alone!

[MomQueenBee]

Wow. I was battling the bear in my head yesterday, too. It pushes everything else out of life.

[Erin G @ebum1101]

Every time I get a headache, I think of you. EVERY TIME. Because it makes me miserable and horrible and it hurts so bad and I just cannot function. And I CANNOT BELIEVE you have to go through that several times a week. Headaches are no joke. I'm so sorry you are dealing with it.

Also! We have talked about this before, I think , but I SO understand the fear and panic of trying to prevent a trigger, then if you get triggered anyway, trying to balance managing it without beating yourself up that you didn't prevent it, oh yeah and also dealing with the PAIN itself, and OH MAN it can just turn into a spiral. All that to say, I hate it for you, and I hope it gets easier. Hang tough, lady.

[Sarah]

I also do the "oh, it's not THAT bad" thing until one comes around and I remember that no, they really are terrible. I have dealt with other chronic pain but in my opinion migraines are the worst. It's just so darn difficult to focus and not be a jerk when your head hurts so much. Hope you're able to get more relief soon.

[Alexa]

I am the queen of admonishing myself to be grateful that I don't have it worse, but as a fellow migraineur, allow me to assure you that headaches are really, truly, horribly horrible. Also, have you read "All in My Head?" I think the author's name is Paula Kahn? (I might have made that name up.) It is a really excellent and interesting book. I think you might like it.

[Lia]

Have you looked into Botox? My partner gets injections every three months and it works absolute wonders. Instead of 20+ days a month of migraines, he gets MAYBE 1. Insurance covers it under most plans. Might be worth a shot (ouch, sorry).

[Michelle]

I suffer from migraines also and oh boy, some days I want to take an ice pick to my left temple just too relieve the pressure. The worst part for me is that my bigs (they turned 12 today!) are scared of getting them now that puberty has arrived and ask me regularly if I am feeling better or not. I wish that migraines were outlawed. Or that they came up with a medication that actually cured them, rather than just semi-alleviating the pain for a bit.

[twitter.com/marbenais]

. . . I had a whole comment written out with the details of my current migraine (weather, stress, hormones, cold/sinus) and the browser ate it; obviously a sign that I need to work MUCH harder on Offering It Up! like a good person because Lent starts soon anyway.
But thinking, in and of itself, is difficult when nausea and pain and emotions are all haywire. Hang in there and we will all somehow get through this winter.

[Emma]

sorry to hear about the migraines.
number one cause for unexplained migraines is gluten intolerance. Give up all gluten for at least 3 or 4 weeks and you will almost certainly seem an improvement.
best wishes
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