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Tuesday, March 06, 2012

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I so admire you for your patience and your cheerfulness. You really are a remarkable mother.

You did it!!!! (And hopefully you won't ever have to do it again =)!!!!)

Thanks for sharing this hard time. You and Bryan really did a fantastic job. I pray you get some rest. Be easy on yourself.

My mother dealt with the death of her husband when she had 3 children under age 8, seeing her 19 year old son diagnosed with Leukemia, 3 years later her 20 year old son was in a car accident that broke 10 of his bones, she was in the room when he suffered a pulmonary embolism and we thought he was going to die in front of us. She dealt with the stress and fear for my life after I was robbed at gunpoint, twice. I am amazed everyday at how she has the courage to remain faithful and be so strong when I would freak out about tuition or making rent. She is the most amazing person I know (even if she does get crazy sometimes) and when you're kids are older and they hear about these things, they'll understand (even more) how blessed they are to have such strong parents. You are amazing and inspirational and deserve some serious rest.

Hooray for being out of the hospital! And while I'm sure you know it, no, you are not the worst handler-of-things in the world -- I'm worse, at least :). And I hope to heaven you can have a break soon after this just so you can get your brain put back together. The twins look incredibly handsome, incidentally!

The boys look wonderfully happy and healthy and HOME together. Excellent.
I am very similar to you in the Reverse Pain Olympics department. In fact, I daresay that if it was an actual competition, we'd be on the podium together. When one of my twins was hospitalized at 5 months, after an "aborted SIDS" incident, I had similar thoughts to the ones you wrote about. Sure, she'd stopped breathing, was turning blue and had to be revived by her father when I fell apart at the seams. BUT, she didn't have some awful, lingering disease that would kill her. Sure, her sister was 50 minutes away from me, I could see her and she'd never taken a bottle of formula. BUT... Yeah, I get it. Then several years later, when a car hit our house and the girls didn't get injured, even though a support beam went through their bedroom window and landed on them, it all came back to me. They were fine, a minor scratch between them. They didn't die. Other people are killed by their drunk driving incidents. I Reverse Pained my way through that one.
It wasn't until I went through some excellent therapy sessions that I learned this wonderful piece of information "the hardest situation and experience is your own." While other people may be dealing with some really awful stuff that makes you wonder how they make it through the day, what is truly hardest is what YOU are dealing with YOURSELF, because it's YOURS. Once you own that piece of info, you get it. Life can be very hard, bad things can happen - illness, accidents - and you may come out fine on the other side. However, while you are going through it and dealing with it, it's the hardest thing in the world to handle, because you are in the middle of it and cannot escape. The pain and awful situation of another person does not, in any way, take away from your pain and awful situation.
I'm so glad that both boys are healthy now and home together - your happy family under one roof - where you all belong!

I love "I will tell you what: it is hard to celebrate when you are as exhausted as I am."

I'm amazed you're even coherent after the recent crazies. Good for you; you're doing a great job! And those smiles at the end, thank you for sharing those! Hope you get better sleep soon.

This post ties in perfectly to several discussions I've had lately. We've had more than our share of tragedies in our Catholic community in the past several weeks, and I keep reminding my friends "Just because someone else's suffering is worse than yours doesn't mean yours doesn't exist." These tragedies do put things into perspective, but it is important to recognize that just because someone else has something "worse" happen doesn't negate your own trials. So glad Linus is home and healthy - are you still coming to Behold this weekend??

I have 12 month old identical twin boys, Aidan and Benedict. They are my only children and we're still nursing. I cannot imagine the exhaustion you are experiencing. I will keep you in my prayers and THANK GOD that your children are home & healthy. God is good!!!

I am SO GLAD this is behind you now (mostly, anyway!). You did so, so well. I wish there was something I could do to help you get some rest. You NEED it! Sending good vibes for continued health, rest, and peace.

Oh man, Arwen, you're kind of a rock star. I don't know how to put it any other way. And those boys look SO HAPPY to be home together! Go dudes!

While I was reading that first part I thought, "Man, she always plays the pain olympics, but in the opposite way..." and then your sister took the words right out of my mouth! :)

When I was having a really hard time with all of Lucy's care in the beginning of her life, I was talking to a friend whose son had died from a more complicated form of what Lucy had. He said, "Will you stop comparing pain? Pain is pain. This is hard for you. Yes, having her die at 3 months old would have been hard, too, but right now, this is your reality, and it's hard for you. Stop comparing our pain."

and in that moment, I realized that it was almost an insult to him for me to constantly be comparing our pain!

Life is life, and sometimes it just sucks.

Allow yourself to think about how much it sucked.

You're human.

When I feel sad about all that went down around Phoebe's birth and all that "didn't" happen, that nagging voice comes into my mind telling me, "Well, you SHOULD be happy, everything turned out OK." and then I feel worse. I don't allow myself the space to grieve what I didn't get. (Thanks, Oprah.)

Anyway, yes.

We all know you're very thankful. But the fact that the whole experience sucked remains the same.

Stop shoulding on yourself. :)

We all know you're very thankful. But the fact that the whole experience sucked remains the same.

When I feel sad about all that went down around Phoebe's birth and all that "didn't" happen, that nagging voice comes into my mind telling me

and in that moment, I realized that it was almost an insult to him for me to constantly be comparing our pain!

I realized that it was almost an insult to him for me to constantly be comparing our pain!

Sweet Arwen, I've been so out of the blogging loop that I didn't even realize all of this had happened to you. I wish I'd known because I would have given you a big hug this weekend. I'm so very grateful your boys are healthy and that this nightmare of an experience is behind you.

Behold was wonderful, but my big regret is that I didn't have more time to connect with you as well as to chat more with Danielle (whom I always love meeting up with). It was a happy but busy blur of a weekend.

My mom and I both were just so impressed with you. The way you scooped both of those boys into your arms and carried them with grace and strength. You live up to your namesake. You are a lady of beauty and courage!!! That sounds cheesy. (I'm tired and should be in bed because my girls have lots of plans for tomorrow, and there's a daunting pile of laundry and heaps of dirty dishes in the sink. You can tell mom's been away. :-))

Sometimes I want to fight tendency to be mushy but after this weekend, I say bring on the mushiness. It's good to cry. It's good to accept our limitations. But it's not so good to compare crosses. When I was in the thick of treatment for my eating disorder, my mom was shouldering her own share of burdens – ones that were completely out of her control.

Out of the blue one day, I burst into tears and said something like, “Why do you have this cross to bear when the only cross I’m bearing is one I’ve made for myself?”

She gave me a hug and told me to never, never compare crosses, that what may not be a cross for one person at all might be a heavy burden for someone else.

That's always stuck with me. Sure, I'm blessed and, yes, there are people far worse off than I am, but that doesn't mean I don't have my share of hurdles and hurts.

You've been through so much. You carry your crosses with grace, but it's always, always okay to cry out or to admit that you're feeling weighed down. That allows others to be your Simons and Veronicas.

Anyway, I really wanted to stop by just to drop a quick note to say what a joy it was meeting you and your boys. I wish we'd had more time to chat, but maybe we'll be able to meet up again.

Keep doing what you're doing. Just watching you juggle those twins inspired me. You're something to behold! ;-) God bless!

Anyway, I really wanted to stop by just to drop a quick note to say what a joy it was meeting you and your boys. I wish we'd had more time to chat, but maybe we'll be able to meet up again.

I've been re reading your blog and it's so amazing to see a life at this speed. Even knowing that you have 4 beautiful children now, I still get emotional at some of your posts pre-pregnancy. You are a truly impressive woman. I'm praying for you all and am so happy you all are home and safe.

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