Sleep Deprivation Makes Me Whiny

Our sleeping arrangement with Blaise is different from what we did with Camilla.  For her first six months she just slept on my arm, and whenever she'd stir to nurse I'd pop her on and go right back to sleep.  It was actually wonderful, and during those early months I felt like I was getting much more sleep than any mother of a young infant had a right to get.  (I paid for it by dealing with her neediness during the day, though.)

Blaise has reflux, so the arm-sleeping, nursing-lying-down thing doesn't work, much to my dismay.  We've got a crib side-car arrangement set up, with the head of the crib elevated slightly.  He sleeps in the crib, and when he wakes up to nurse I sit up, nurse him, then hold him up on my chest to burp him and let his food settle.  When he's deeply asleep enough, I put him back in his crib.

This was working great; in fact, earlier this week there were two nights in a row where he did only a 12am, a 3am and a 6am feeding.  It was bliss.  (We put him down around 10pm and Bryan usually takes him out of the bedroom around 7am so I can get a bit more uninterrupted sleep.  I sleep much more deeply when the baby isn't right next to me.)

Then came Wednesday night, and last night.  I want to cry just thinking about them.

I don't think I have high standards when it comes to baby sleep.  Camilla didn't sleep through the night until she was 20 months, but it was only after she was a year old that I started to feel frustrated with being up several times in the night.  (The month where she was waking every forty-five minutes all night every night was a bit much for me, but I think that would break anyone.)  When it became obvious that Blaise likes sleeping more than Camilla does, Bryan and I became hopeful that he *might* sleep through the night before he is a year old.  That, to us, would be some kind of miracle.

It's not that I wouldn't love to have a two-month-old who did eight hours at a stretch, it's just that I like to keep my babies close to me at night, and I know I pay a price for that, and I'm okay with it.

But even for me, the last two nights have been TOO MUCH.  Wednesday night I did not get to lie down between 12am and 4am.  I was sitting up the entire time, my grumpy, reflux-y, congested (he has a little cold) baby alternately nursing and sleeping fitfully on my chest.  Last night was even worse: I was sitting up from 1am to 7am.  Yes, that is SIX HOURS.

I have three pillows piled up at the head of the bed so I can lean back and sort of doze while I'm sitting up.  But still.  It is no fun at all.  I feel like a truck hit me. 

Tonight is going to be better.  We might try an arrangement where I pump and Bryan does a night feeding, or we might come up with something else.  But it is going to be better, somehow.  I'm determined.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to make today a good day despite my exhaustion.  I already got Camilla down for her nap easily by using my mom's old trick of a Book Rest.  (I put her in her bed with a pile of books and said, "You don't have to go to sleep, you just have to stay in bed and read."  Stuck my head back in half an hour later, and voila!  Sleeping child.)

I'm not putting pressure on myself to do anything extra today.  Not doing laundry, not cleaning, not anything.  I did stuff and stack the diapers, but I like doing that, and I am tidying, but only because I'm much happier and relaxed in a tidy house.  I am watching DVDS, I am snuggling the baby, I am playing Sudoku on my iPod.

And the universe is helping, because it's a beautiful day (currently 63º and gorgeously sunny) and look at this.  I can't be really unhappy when I have this:

Comments

[Tara]

Sorry about the rough nights-- that sounds awful. Good luck with tonight!

But... he IS adorable (love that double chin!!), so that's got to be of some consolation. :-)

[Diane]

Oh my goodness, the smooshy cheeks! Where did the tiny little baby go?

[Miriel]

What a pudge bug! I can't wait to see him in THREE WEEKS!

[Jen]

Yuck and yuck. Elizabeth just got through her four month sleep regression and it was awful! I feel for you.

One quick thing that helped me was an airplane neck pillow. It allowed me to sleep sitting up, holding the baby and kept my neck from falling off. I have a nice cotton one, stuffed, not the air filled ones you blow up.

[MichelleRenee]

I LOVE Book Rest..

It's such a great answer to the whine of
"I'm nooootttt tiiireeedddd"....

Naps are for babies..
But a Book Rest: those are for big kids.

The kicker is they fall asleep EVERY TIME.

[Petroni]

Yikes-- I'm so sorry about the lack of sleep. I hope it gets better quickly!

[antonia]

hey,
that sounds tough; i too had several weeks of "sleeping" while sitting up in bed with a baby on my chest because of my baby's awful reflux. I can totally symapthise.
The only thing that helped in my case was totally cutting out all dairy products in my diet, as that really settled baby's reflux.

best wishes,
hope you get some horizontal sleep!!!
xx

[Michelle]

I've got nothing but sympathy! Having living through a child who I swore lacked the "on/off" switch necessary for life, there were many nights that when I "woke" up in the morning I'd never actually gone to sleep. She's 16 months old and started sleeping through the night about 2 weeks ago. I have no advice, you know your baby best and will do what works out best for you all. Good luck and I hope there is some decent, uninterrupted sleep in your near future!

[Emily]

Oh, I would love to buy you a drink, Arwen.

So, Lucy doesn't really nap during the day. 45 minutes here or there, and it's hard won when it happens. So she goes to bed early, at 7:30. She sleeps until midnight or 12:30, which is sometimes five hours in a row. BUT! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED AT 8PM, I WANT SOME ME TIME.

So I go to bed at 10 or 11, and she wakes up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 5:30 and 6:30. IT BLOWS. Just wanted you to know that it's sucking for me too. We'll get through it. But it is going to take some vodka, I think.

[Catherine]

I thought my son had reflux, but he actually has a hiatal hernia. We took him to a naturopath/chiropractor and she identified his problem immediately with surrogate muscle testing. I help him feel better now by massaging the hernia back under his diaphragm, but that's only temporary and we will just have to wait until he's older and the hernia "heals." The good thing is that I don't have to avoid any kinds of foods. Something to think about.

[Tracy]

sleep deprivation is very hard. hope you've gotten some good sleep and are feeling better!

[Therese]

I am sorry Blasie is having difficulty. I have written before that our youngest, Jacob, had many problems at birth and reflux was one of them. Right off I will tell you that Jacob's case was severe...so this is not meant to scare you...at 9 months he
weighed 9 pounds, and by the looks of your beautiful son, he is doing great! Eventually Jacob had to have surgery to reconstruct the lower 1/4 of his esophagus, but before that, there were many meds available that relieved some pain for him.
Has Blaise's pediatrician suggested any? There are of course the acid blockers but what helped Jacob the most was a drug that sped up the process of digestion, making the reflux much less severe. That was fourteen years ago so there are probably many medications available with little side-effects now. I will pray for all of you...I remember those sleepless nights holding little Jacob while he would arch his body backward to try to find relief...watching your baby in pain is so hard. I found a lot of comfort in praying the Rosary because I knew Mary would give me the strength to get through it. God bless you!

[KandAsMommy]

Long time reader (okay, Lurker) coming out of Lurkerville to comment. It sounds like Blaise is going through his 2 month growth spurt--feeding around the clock, can't get enough, etc. His reflux could be due to the extra "food"in his tiny tummy. Since your post was a few days ago, hopefully he is past the growth spurt and things are sane again! You're good until the 4 month one!

I remember when my now 3 year old went through her growth spurts! I felt like going topless all day, because it was pointless to button up! She'd be nursing again momentarily! It was maddening!!

Also, you twittered wanting caffeine, but didn't dare because of the effects on baby. You can, you know! You just have to pump his next few meals, then bottoms up! Enjoy!

Keeping you all in my prayers!

[Brooke]

Please forgive me if you have tried this and it didn't work (or if it is wildly off base). Have you tried giving up dairy (either major or completely)?

It has made a world of difference in the sleep situation around here. My son sleeps better, doesn't spit up, and is much MUCH less fussy. I saw (the abstract for) a paper which said that 50% off babies with GERD have milk protein sensitivity, so it's worth a shot at least.

[Gae Onions]

Hi,
I looked at your blog first because we have a 3 month old little girl and her name is Arwen. I haven't seen anyone called that before and now I find you.
I have had 11 children and most of them were reflux babies. Some worse than others and I remember the sitting up all night with the baby.
I would sit on the lounge with pillows behind and one on the side so I wouldn't drop the baby over and sit there all night. I seemed to get used to it and it was just the only way to get any sort of sleep at all for me and baby.
Hang in there it does pass--eventually.
God Bless

[Katie]

Oh, that you poor dear!
I have had very few of those nights.. but,
generally it is due to consumption of a lot of raw onions/peppers or beans or cabbage. I know it is awful to start eliminating things from your diet when you feel tired and cranky already.......
Man, he is cute!
Looks like he is eating enough, anyway :)
Katie

[Jennifer (Conversion Diary)]

Right there with ya. I've been up since 3:50am and won't be able to get a nap today. Is it the weekend yet?