Until we meet... for the first time

I hit the thirty-five week mark yesterday, and reality is setting in: parenthood is imminent.  I mean, if you want to be technical about it we've been parents for months now, but I'm guessing that parenthood in the full-time-care-of-a-newborn sense is significantly different from parenthood in the don't-mind-me-I'm-just-gestating-over-here sense.

We had our hospital tour the other night, and seeing the birth center rooms made me realize how excited I am to meet this little one.  In a certain way Bryan and I already know him very well - he's been residing in my body for months, after all, and we pray for him constantly and talk to him daily - but I think that meeting him face-to-face will be entirely different, and much better.

And I know that in those first weeks I'll be exhausted and stressed out and it will all be new and very hard, but I have trouble imagining that, no matter how overwhelming it all is, it could possibly overshadow the joy of the new little one whom I'm going to love so much. 

Contact with my nephew has really made it sink in for me how much deeper and more real this whole thing is after the child is born.  Before my sister gave birth we would often talk about her baby, and I looked forward to meeting him; I've always loved babies and I expected to love him.  What I've found really remarkable since his birth is how different my feelings about him are from my feelings about other babies.  I love all babies as babies, but I love Daniel as a person.  The fact that he is Daniel makes all the difference.  The little guy looking out of those wide eyes, even at only three months old, is already one of my favorite people in the world.

And he's just my nephew!  I can only imagine how it's going to be with my own baby.

Comments

[Michelle]

I'm excited for you, good luck with everything. My husband and I commented to each other how having a baby was so much more work than we had imagined but also so much more fun.

[Tracy]

You made me cry just now. You'll never forget seeing your baby for the first time. Ever. Meeting each little person for the first time is incredible - as if it's the first time and also as if it's oh hello, it's you, I know you.

(my daughter was born at 35w2d... it's still a milestone for me to see others pass that mark!)

[Jeanne]

Wow! 35 weeks already? Didn't you just get pregnant? Just a few weeks ago? ;) Tempest fugit.

[Jennifer]

I'm crying, too, but that's easy to make me do lately.

You've come a long way---such joy in when the long awaited love returns (or in this case arrives). Its the stuff of myths and legends.

Take care, rest, prepare.

[Lisa]

Oh, A/E, you have no idea - and it is so wonderful, the not knowing. Right now that baby is part of you and everything after he comes out is a separation. Separation of the baby from you - as soon as they come out, they start to grow up - and separation of your life from what it used to be. But it is so wonderful. It is an entirely new world. Like falling in love but bigger. I often wish I could go back to having S. in my belly (of course now I have no. 2 in my belly but I'm in the sick part so it doesn't count). And that first moment is bigger than any other in your life. S. came out flailing and stuck her cheesy bloody hand in my mouth and, almost before I touched her, I tasted my salty and sweet daughter. I will never forget it.

[Sarah]

I recently told a friend of mine who is expecting his first that the best part of being a parent is watching your child's personality (heck, personHOOD) emerge inside a little growing body. My daughter is fascinating to me, as I expect all babies are fascinating to their parents.

I'm thinking back to the first rough weeks home with our baby, and there were times when I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and angry/sad because in the midst of that kind of stress I just couldn't feel any emotion of love for this tiny creature that I had wanted to meet for so long. If that happens to you, don't fret, it's normal, you'll make it through and then your baby will smile at you and then your heart will just about burst with love. :-)

[Sonetka]

It won't overshadow it - I don't really think it's possible. My kidlet just about sent me over the edge from insomnia for the first month but at the same time I was only happy if I was holding him. Watching him grow up has been both wonderful, a bit sad (he doesn't fit his baptismal outfit anymore! Waah!) and wholly miraculous. Intellectually I know he came out of two unremarkable haploids, but in my soul I know there's much more to it than that :). (Argh, putting it awkwardly, because said kidlet keeps grabbing my mouse and I have to wrap up). Anyway - enjoy this last month - even when it gets uncomfortable, there's nothing like feeling your baby kick and grow.

[halloweenlover]

Beautiful Arwen! I can't wait to read about your first meeting!

[Becki]

I can't believe how close the time is getting. You are going to be such a wonderful mother. And you're going to think I'm nuts, but I actually almost enjoyed labor, because it was so exciting and momentous to be that close to meeting my child. (I also had epidurals with both of them, which I'm sure contributed to my non-hating of labor...)

[SoCo]

I'm so excited for you! I can't believe it's just a few more weeks. Crazy. You'll be in my prayers.

[Danielle]

You are going to be such a wonderful mother! God bless you during these magical last few weeks and in the lifetime you have ahead as a family.

[Lisa]

I'm so excited for you! Can't wait til you get to meet your little one!

[Louise]

I'm so happy for you.... and of course, I want to hear more! How is the nursery coming along? have you had your baby showr yet? etc. There are only a few more weeks that you have time left to actually write something! :-)
We want more Arwen thoughts :-)

[Hoo]

So exciting!!!
I remember it feeling like meeting someone I already knew and had always known, like my whole life he had been tucked behind my heart!
Hugs!

[Ellen]

To latch on to the shallowest part of your post that I could, you said, "Size ten is just on the cusp of what normal stores carry; if I gain even half a size it'll make shoes considerably more difficult to find." Tell me about it! I wear a size 11! :)