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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

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I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me, for approximately the same sort of healing. I was thinking along similar lines myself recently, that unless I really learn to let go and trust God and rely on His love, then even if I get everything I desire I'll still be worried, anxious, on the lookout for something to go wrong.

This trust won't stop me from praying for a child (for both of us, and for all those we know who desire children), but hopefully it will allow me to accept whatever His will is with (dare I say it?) joy.

That was very beautiful Elizabeth. Even though I haven't found my path down the religious road, I still pray and I will do so for you and all those who hope for a child.

Wow...just, wow. You have expressed so beautifully the lessons that we all need to learn, whatever the cause of our brokenness may be. It is SO HARD to know how to go from head-knowledge to feeling something to be true. I pray that God will be with you on your journey towards healing, whatever happens with your dreams for children.

I agree altogether with what Ellen said. You are in my prayers.

Thank you for putting so many of my feelings into words. I'm glad you were shown a Divine moment like that.

I had a similar experience... right before Christmas my parish had a Mass of Healing. I was actually on the schedule to be the cantor, but when I learned what it was, I asked our music minister to find someone else. And since I'd done that, I of course HAD to go (since now my music minister knew about it, as did the DRE, and of course my priest) - I really didn't want to, I have SUCH a hard time praying about this. Anyway I went and I just cried and cried and cried. And there are people there who have had their children die of horrible diseases, who are quietly praying, and I'm just a heap of tears... It's funny how I'm able to function and am even beginning to let go of my "period pity party" behaviors (mainly overeating), but the moment someone I love acknowledges the pain, I just lose it. Maybe a healing prayer like that would help...

Elizabeth, your post was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. I'll keep praying.

Hi, I'm delurking. :)

Your post today reminds me very much of my own experience waiting for a husband . . . I was single past the time most of my friends had gotten married, and desperately wanted to get married myself (a state not helped by the numbers of people at ALL THOSE WEDDINGS who would ask me, "So, when will it be YOUR turn?" Kindly meant, I'm sure.) Finally, I reached a place of surrender to God's will which is hard to describe but basically involved me saying, Not my will but Thine be done. (God revealed my husband and me to each other within months, if not weeks, of that.)

Not that surrender and healing are a means to an end . . . If one were to say, "OK, OK, I surrender; now, where's my husband/baby/perfect job/etc.," the surrender would not be complete. And surrender is good in itself. It's the heart-healing we need, the increased closeness to God, more than that thing we want so much. As you say, going into a marriage still bitter about the years of singleness, or having a baby while still angry about the years of infertility, means that there is a wedge between us and God even in the moments of His gift-giving.

Oh, sweetie. I just wept for you as I read this. I really believe that God will make complete your efforts to trust him, and will "keep you together" when you yourself can't. He reads the prayer in every tear that rolls down your face, even when you can't form the words. I don't know why you're being put to this trial, and I hope it's God's will that it ends happily and soon. You are in my prayers every single day.

I wish I could say something intelligent about this, but I can't, except to say that I'm glad you were able to lift your head up; it may not seem like much to someone on the outside, but really it is enormously important...

Praying for you.

Beautifully written. You remain in my prayers.

That was beautiful. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I just know you're going to be a wonderful mother - whenever it happens.

You're in my prayers, too, Elizabeth. What a beautiful, eloquent post. You have such strong family support.

Simply beautiful. I pray for you as well since I know exactly what you mean since I have come there myself. God bless you.

Oh sweetie, this made me cry too.

Oh hon, I am hurting so much for you, and praying for you to get to that place of healing. I remember when we were struggling with infertility, at first I would pray to get pregnant. But after time my prayers changed and I prayed instead to be a mother, knowing that I would not have this desire if it weren't in God's plan somehow for me to have a child. And now that we have Li, I can see how perfectly it worked out. I couldn't see it then, or for a long time after, but fact is, Li would have been conceived about the time our first (and only) invasive fertility procedure failed.

I know that doesn't help you now, but I wanted to put it out there for you. And I'm going to email you with my phone # so we can plan a time to meet up.

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