In which I am really not trying to make you jealous

I am a fundamentally selfish, lazy, mean, and prideful person. I have to fight every single day against these tendencies. Some days I am more successful than other days, but there is always that struggle going on within me, and I know it will be there for the rest of my life. I’m aware that everyone has faults, that everyone has struggles, but it’s easy to forget that sometimes, especially when I’m around those people who seem to have a natural goodness of heart. Especially since my husband is one of those people.

I knew when I married him that he’d be good to me. You’d know it too if you met him and saw the gentleness in his eyes, the way his face softens when he looks at me. You’d know it if, like me, you’d been with him for six years and seen that at his worst he is frustrated or irritable, and never treacherous or mean. 

In James there is a verse that goes, “Show me your faith without works, and I will show you the faith that underlies my works.” This can be applied to Michael’s love for me, I think. He doesn’t try to convince me that he loves me without showing it. He doesn’t have to convince me because he shows it so well.

This past weekend, when I was exhausted from nightly performances, we couldn’t go to our regular Mass at our parish because it lasts until 12:45pm and I had to be on campus at that time to get ready for a matinee performance. I had suggested that we go, rather, to my school’s 10:00am Mass, but I agreed to attend the 8:45am at our parish because Michael wanted to so much. However, when Michael woke me up on Sunday morning at 7:30 so I could start getting ready for Mass, I was whiny enough that he said, “You know what? Let’s just go to 10:00 Mass at school.” I went back to sleep, and he woke me an hour later for breakfast, complete with hot cinnamon rolls and a steaming cup of tea. 

Did you get that? He had already gotten out of bed and showered so that we could go to Mass he really wanted to go to, and then when I showed a little bit of resistance gave up on what he wanted to do, did not complain about having gotten up much earlier than he would have needed to, and even made breakfast for me. 

The crazy thing about this is that it’s not out of the ordinary for him. He treats me like this every day. I need more time to get ready than he does, but he will routinely get out of bed and shower first so that I can be woken by a kiss from him rather than by a shrieking alarm. He brings me a glass of water every night before bed. He makes tea for me, and knows exactly how long to let it brew (five minutes for a cup of decaf, three minutes for a cup of regular). He fills the humidifier and runs the dishwasher. Since we got married, I have never taken out a bag of trash. 

Am I a little bit of a princess? Possibly. Is motherhood, once I finally get there, going to be hard because I’ll have to start doing things myself? Almost certainly. Do I deserve all the goodness that Michael heaps on me daily? Almost certainly not. But please don’t accuse me of being ungrateful. I am grateful, so much so that my heart swells when I think of my husband’s tender love for me. I tell him that I am thankful, and I kiss him and cling to him and try to show him in a thousand little ways how much I appreciate him. I’m probably not doing it enough, but with a guy this wonderful, who could?

Comments

[Lisa]

So happy for you that you found the kind of man you did. We should count ourselves among the luckiest women in the world.

[AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch]

Oh I can just imagine the type of father he will be. It will amaze you the amount of love, strength and bonding you two will have once your child gets into your arms.

[Kate]

Enjoy the princess pampering while you can. Soak it up! What a great husband. Once a baby joins your family (which I truly believe it will), neither of you will have time to pamper anyone but him or her.

Loving your blog!

[Sarah]

Sounds like you've picked a great guy to have babies with. It will be especially nice to have someone to take care of you when you will be consumed with caring for your children. Trust me--this kind of thoughtfulness is invaluable and goes a long way towards making a rich marriage.

Please excuse my poor spelling. :)

[Sonetka]

He sounds rather like A. to me - always a good thing. I've never quite gotten what it is about me that prompts this from him. But, like you, I'm incredibly grateful for it (and yes, I have told him :)).

[Ellen]

Well, for not trying to make me jealous, you've done a good job! :) You're very blessed, indeed, to have such a loving husband. I'm glad you appreciate it!

[em]

You are so blessed to have such a lovely husband! I'm sure God has great plans in store for you both.

Pray to St. Gianna for your future children; she was a wife, mother & martyr and always helps with family issues.

God Bless

[Philothea Rose]

Your post has really inspired me. No, it did not inspire me to have my husband read this post so he could be more like your Michael, although the thought did pass through my head! :) Actually, it inspired me to be like your husband to my husband. I am certainly the more selfish out of the two of us. It is something I get inspired to work on every so often, but then the feeling leaves and I am back on the couch asking my dear hubby to "get this" or "get that" or "do this or that" for me....please?

Sometimes he gets in a selfish mood as well, and it is almost like we are competing for who can get what out of each other! And is really should be the other way around. We should be competing to serve each other and love each other. "No, let ME do that for you!", "No, really, I will!" "No, YOU sleep in, I'll get the kids their cereal!" "No, please, let ME change that baby's poopy pamper!"

Give your Michael a big thank you from this selfish wife. And thank you for your gratitude, because without it there wouldn't have been this post.

[Becki]

I am lucky enough to be married to a guy like Michael as well. I suspect, though, that Michael would say he is the lucky one. And as long as you both feel that way, you both will be the lucky ones.

As far as sins and faults go, I have this vision of the Seven Deadlies as horses that run a daily race in my life. Pride and Envy usually compete for first place. Lust usually comes in dead last, the nag.

[Anne Basso]

It's pretty awesome to have a good husband. Congratulations on such a fine pick.