Emotional brick wall

I was hoping to stay involved in the discussion that I invited when I posted yesterday. But when I got up this morning, I found that I do not have the emotional energy.

Yesterday I was running on adrenaline, and a little bit of denial. I started my period yesterday morning, so I needed something to distract me from it. The debate served that purpose. At any other time I would have been able to stay more detached, but yesterday I put my whole self into my arguments, and I ignored my feelings about the start of another cycle. I normally work through them in writing, but this month I guess I thought I could avoid it by throwing myself wholeheartedly into something else.

Well, I was wrong. This morning, it’s as if I am up against an emotional brick wall. So I’m giving myself time off today. I’m skipping class this afternoon, getting into bed with a book and a cup of tea, and letting myself cry until I feel whole again.

The truth is, the debate about abortion doesn’t have to be concluded by me, today. It will go on for a long time to come. It’s going on right now in the comments section of yesterday’s post. I want it to keep going. I’m happy with how civil everyone is being toward one another. I’ll keep monitoring, and I’ll delete any posts that are personal attacks, but other than that, I hope the talking and the thinking keeps happening. Pax.

Comments

[Cecily]

Honey, I'm so sorry. Nothing is worse than yet another month that we are not pregnant when it's what we want so badly.

Take care of yourself today.

[Sonetka]

I'm sorry, that's always awful. Forgive me if I've forgotten something, but are you going to a doctor this month, perhaps? I don't mean for treatment, necessarily, but just to get the ball rolling on some basic tests. I know that made me feel a lot better, just to know that we were starting to do something.

[Kathleen]

I'm sorry, that's always hard.

[Amanda]

Okay, this is going to seem really random. And, well, it is. (I have a knitting blog, for heaven's sake.) I was clicking links and got to your blog, and read your about you. I just finished reading, "The Time Traveler's Wife" and I think you would really like it. It sounds kinda sci-fi, but it's really not. I mean, the husband time travels, but it's not really what the book is about. I just finished it and I loved it, and for some reason, after reading your blog and your 100 things, I have this overwhelming feeling that you would, too.

Sorry about the randomness of this.

I'll be praying for you and your husband; I hope you're able to conceive.

Take care of yourself.

[Michelle]

Over here from Cecily's blog and wanted to say sorry about the start of your period! I know that sucks.

[Elizabeth]

Yes, Sonetka, I have a doctor's appointment next Wednesday. We'll be starting testing as soon as possible after that. It does make me feel better :)

[Sarah]

I'm so sorry... I sympathize! I'm smack in the middle of my 2ww, and I'm preparing myself for another disappointment. It doesn't help matters that my brother just wrote to me openly hinting that I should get the ball rolling and produce a niece or nephew for him (he doesn't yet know we've been trying). Arg.

[Ellen]

I'm really sorry to hear your news, btw. Somehow it's like injury and insult at the same time - not only did your hopes not work this time, but you have to deal with your period, too. I hope the discussions on your previous post aren't too distressing, even if they're not sufficiently distracting.

[Sarah]

Sorry about your period. I remember all too well the months and months of waiting, the emotional roller coaster, the disappointment.

Hang in there.

[Catherine Shaffer]

Sorry, Elizabeth. It's been nearly four years of trying for me, and although I know exactly how you feel, I am beginning to be numb to it anymore. I sort of miss those days when I could cry, because it meant I was hoping.

[Julie]

So sorry, Elizabeth. Peace to you.

[Monica]

So sorry about your period. Take good care of yourself.

[Rachel]

Hi Elizabeth,
I am praying for you. God has taken my husband and I through so much so far, and we are in the midst of a really scary time. I trust Him to do the same for you.

"To those who know the Savior and the King, may His peace be unto you."

Rachel
www.livejournal.com/users/raqueljoy

[Melissa]

Hey there. I have nothing to say on the abortion debate that isn't extremely long and I have just come to the conclusion after several years that it is generally not an issue that has new ground to cover. Reading about your experiences and the experiences of other women have certainly enlightened me as to new facets of the issue, however.

Sorry about your not positive news. I hope you will continue your blog even if you attract flames from some corners. You have an interesting perspective. Best of luck to you and your husband.