The other day I saw a mother with a newborn at Mass and ached to have a little baby again, even though when we were going through the hell of Camilla's first three months I never imagined that I'd be able to look back on that time nostalgically, ever ever ever. But I was nostalgic when I saw that newborn snuggling into his mother's neck, and it made me want one of my own again.
Today I am over it.
Her Royal Shortness was awake for no explicable reason for three hours in the middle of last night. She awoke at 2:00am and categorically refused, in the form of shrieking and wailing the likes of which have not been heard in this house for months, to go back to sleep when Bryan tried his usual tricks of patting and shushing. I desperately wanted to nurse her, but I am even more desperately committed to not ruining our hard-won night-weaning, so I took the baby out into the living room and rocked her, hoping she'd get bored and go back to sleep. She did not, and stayed awake in the dark until 5:00am when I finally wore her down. I prayed she'd sleep in, but she refused to do that either, and was up at 8:00 as usual.
The baby got an insufficient but respectable nine hours of sleep. I got an insufficient and utterly horrible five hours. This morning I felt like I'd gotten hit by a train.
When Milla was a newborn I logged hours and hours, night after night, of pacing the floor and rocking in the wee hours. This lasted for months. It was my way of life. Considering how I feel today after one bad night with an almost-toddler, I am astonished that I managed to survive it.
Our working hypothesis is that Milla has a mild earache or some bug, since she is clingier and fussier than usual, and not willing to sleep on her stomach like she's been doing the past few weeks. Hopefully that means this will pass, the more quickly the better.
I am a wee bit depressed, truth be told. My baby is being demanding and I can't get anything done around the house, plus I have a hurt shoulder that was getting better but after last night is now worse than ever, plus my sister is leaving town tomorrow and will not be around the rest of the week, plus Bryan's traveling to DC on Wednesday and even though it's only a day trip, it means another single-parent evening in addition to my single-parent Mondays while he's teaching a class.
Oh wah wah wah. I almost want to laugh at myself, but I really do feel overwhelmed and sad, because of all that stuff and because I've got a solid case of the November blues. Such a depressing month this is, at least until Thanksgiving comes along. I love Thanksgiving.
Ending this extreme downer of a post on a good note, check this out. Looky, Daddy! is having a haiku-a-thon! What could be more fun?