abc family

Were Little Boy

I posted this on Twitter yesterday, and I'm still chuckling about it (although only because the alternative would be whimpering, and I try not to go the whiny route).

I made nachos for lunch today, and Blaise wanted some, but neither a) with meat, nor b) without meat. Uh, it's called the law of non-contradiction, kiddo. You can't get around it.

Oh, yes. Blaise is three.

When Camilla turned three I thought I was going insane. How had my sweet, rational, affectionate little girl suddenly become this crazed impossible-to-please monster? What had I done?

This time around I have a slightly more balanced perspective. I know I haven't gone insane. HE has gone insane, and whatever developments are grinding away in his brain must be serious, demolition-level stuff, because the histrionics are so ridiculous they're hilarious.

But Blaise. Oh, Blaise. That kid has my heart.

Two weeks ago he fell down the stairs at 6pm and I had him to urgent care before 7, so sure was I that he'd broken his arm. Praise God, his arm is fine, but waiting to get the x-ray took a couple hours, and I was there with him for a while before Bryan switched me out. (Babies won't take a bottle. Bah!)

As he sat on my lap in the exam room waiting for the doctor, munching an apple and watching me play games on the iPad, he snuggled his head into my shoulder and whispered, "I love having Mama-Blaisey time."

Me too, buddy. Me too.

2011 was a tough year for all of us but I wonder if - Bryan's and my exhaustion and general strung-outed-ness notwithstanding - it wasn't hardest on Blaise. Camilla was old enough to understand and anticipate the babies' birth, but Blaise couldn't, and I imagine he must have been surprised when we took him to the hospital to show him two (!) brand-new brothers.

(My sister Tirienne told me that after Blaise went to see the babies, she asked him what they were like, and he held up his hands close together and said, "Dey're really little and tiny." For some reason that description tickled me.)

But then we brought the babies home and - while Blaise loves Ambrose and Linus and has never tried to hurt them or acted out toward them - both his devoted parents were suddenly very, very busy. Our household has never had such a stressful year, and I can imagine dealing with it as a two-year-old has been bewildering, to say the least.

In my head, Blaise looks like this:

Still a baby, always my baby, in a onesie and a diaper, the skin on his chubby arms and legs soft. My baby Blaise loves to cuddle, is enthusiastic and fascinated by the world around him, but is sweet, always so sweet.

But, the eyes of mother-love aside, this is a truer picture of him:

That striped/pink item is not some bizarrely-shaped sofa cushion. It is his sister. He is sitting on her.

My Blaise, my always-sweet baby, is a first-degree stinker who is filled with glee at each chance to pummel his sister, or tackle her, or grab a toy out of her hand and run away cackling while she chases him shrieking.

So... "always sweet" might be overstating it, is what I'm saying.

Yesterday Camilla and Blaise took a bath, and near the beginning he was threatening to dump water on her head. I told him he'd have to get out if he did. That was enough to deter him... until about twenty minutes later, when he was ready for bathtime to be over. I heard Camilla wailing, ran in to discover he'd poured an entire cup of water on her face, and told him he was done. He grinned, "Okay, Mama!" then hopped out of the tub. 

Did he do it because he knew the threatened penalty was now affordable? I'm hesitant to ascribe that level of craftiness to a young three-year-old. But he's got the potential. The SEEDS are definitely there. And I think we're going to have to get more creative with discipline as he grows.

(He worked the system! My sweet baby worked the system!)

Blaise is a middle child all the way - a little tentative, a little attention-hungry.

In this picture, for example, I was trying to get a shot of Camilla in her pretty new dress. 

 He JUMPED right in front of her, showing no remorse when she whined. I had to hide my laughter.

Those are small (or as he would say, "tiny," his stock word for all things diminutive) train engines clutched in his hands. Percy and Gordon and Hiro from Thomas the Tank Engine (Puh-cy, Goa-don, Hee-ro), his favorite toys. He takes them to bed with him. Lines them up, end to end, and lies on the floor pushing them in a circle around him for ages. Ten to fifteen minutes at a time, anyway, which is an age for a three-year-old. Just him, whispering "chug-chug-choot-choot" and talking about shunting and puffing and all sorts of train-related things.

He's verbal, surprisingly so for a kid who didn't say a word before 16 months, but if he's frustrated or upset he clams right up. I try - and mostly succeed - not to compare him to his sister, but shoot. She was so much easier to reason with, even as a three-year-old, and I'm finding myself adjusting, tweaking, reassessing my approaches to keep up with him.

I think of Blaise as resilient because he's always been so much less emotionally needy than his sister, but in his way he is just as sensitive. Last week he was distressed for a couple days over a dream he'd had that we left him alone at my parents' house - as much as I tried, I could not get him to fully realize that it was just a dream - and he was so forlorn. He teared up every time he talked about it and I wanted to gather him into my arms and never leave him again, so sad did it make me.

His speech quirks are disappearing rapidly. (Until a few months ago, he inserted "no" randomly into his sentences instead of using proper negatives. I miss that so much.) But he still does one of my favorites, saying "were" instead of "our." "Were babies" he calls Linus and Ambrose, bestowing fervent if none-too-gentle kisses on them. I find myself saying "were" instead of "our" sometimes too; I think it's my subconscious way of trying to prolong his error.

To prolong his toddlerhood, really.

Blaise is our tough guy, rough-and-tumble, fully capable of terrorizing his sister and other people bigger than he is. (Ask Bryan, who handles his night-time wake-ups, all about that.)

But he is soft too, still little, still in many ways that sweet baby I see when I imagine him. Over Christmas we went back to our hometown for a week and he had a great time: playing with cousins, running wild at the grandparents', but after six nights he was ready to go home. He wanted "were house."

I promised him that we would stay there, stay home for a couple of days, and on the strength of that assurance he rested on the drive.

I can see in him the big guy who will someday leave us, who will be excited to grasp his independence and stride out to meet the world. But for now my baby just wants to stay at home, to be with the people who love him best. 

Three can be a challenge, but on my Blaisey it's just as lovable as every other age has been. 

This is really just a long tweet

So I mentioned on Twitter tonight that I "don't believe in teething anymore" and some people, reasonably, were all, "Wha-ha-ha?"

I tried to answer but it wouldn't fit in 140 character segments, and I thought about writing it down somewhere else because I don't really use my blog for stuff like this, but then I realized that just because I don't doesn't mean I can't, so here we are.

Obviously I BELIEVE in teething, in that I know that babies cut teeth. Trust me, I know - Linus and Ambrose have each cut six in the past six weeks. They've done a LOT of chewing on Mama (mostly my fingers, thankfully - I don't tolerate biting while nursing).

But when we were visiting the pediatrician with the newborn twins, he happened to mention conversationally that "teething isn't real." And I had the same reaction as my Twitter friends: "Wha-ha-ha?" Of COURSE teething is real. Babies cut teeth, and it makes them act crazily, and that's just the truth.

He mentioned, though, that studies have found that parents often attribute symptoms to teething when their children are not actually cutting teeth. He hypothesized the symptoms are probably caused by developmental leaps or by mild viral infections. I pooh-poohed, and ranted a little to Bryan on the way home.

But then I thought about it more, and I thought about how with Camilla and Blaise, I blamed lots of fussiness and various symptoms on teething... only to have the symptoms pass before they cut a tooth. Or, conversely, I'd find they'd cut teeth and expect fussiness/sleep/whatever to improve, only to have the symptoms continue for a while, apparently unrelated to the teething.

I went looking and found that the doctor wasn't lying about the studies. I thought about how it makes sense that people would imagine a cause->effect relationship with teeth. A baby acts a certain way, eventually his behavior changes, the only obvious thing that happened in the meantime was a tooth cutting - of course you're going to think that teething caused the craziness.

So I decided to pay super-close attention to Linus and Ambrose as they teethed. Our kids are late-ish teethers, so the twins didn't get their first tooth until almost 7 months, on December 3rd. They cut the first one (bottom right middle incisor) on the same day, after having basically no fussiness or unusual sleep interruption beforehand. They had a couple truly awful nights later that week, which we thought might be connected to the second tooth cutting, but they also had a cold then (thanks, older siblings) and the cold passed and the sleep got better before the second tooth came. 

Over the next six weeks, ending in mid-January, Linus and Ambrose cut five more teeth each. (They now have the bottom middle incisors and all four top incisors.) During that time, they had some random fussiness, including one particular week where all they wanted was for me to hold them. (That is REALLY FUN when you have two babies.)

But here's the thing: I was watching closely, checking their mouths every day, and their behavior seemed to be almost completely unrelated to their teeth. We did notice a couple times when one twin would have a slightly rougher night than usual, and in the morning he'd have a new tooth. (Conveniently for our purposes, L&A cut their remaining teeth at different times and even in different order.) But that was the extent of it. Otherwise, their fussiness and random sleep interruption seemed to be unrelated to teething.

So that is why I don't believe in teething any more.

I'm curious: what has your experience been? I'm interested! Especially if you've got some hard data (or as close to data as you can get with this kind of stuff, anyway).

Share your stories! Tell me I'm an idiot! Let's all be mom-geeks together!

2011, Vanquished

I decided I didn't want to skip this meme, so I just changed a few of the questions to be more relevant to my life. Hasta la vista, 2011!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Was hospitalized for a reason other than to give birth (to stop pre-term labor, thankfully with success). Gave birth to twins. Came home from the hospital and left babies in the NICU (definitely the worst part of my year). Nursed two babies. Brought home and cared for two babies. In general, the newness in this year was related to the Two Babies. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My new year's resolution was to survive 2011. It was close, but I squeaked by.

In 2012 I want to feed my family more vegetables, give my big kids more attention and affection, and try to be gentler with myself. We'll see how it goes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not anyone geographically close, but it was an Internet baby BOOM. In particular I was anticipating the births of A'Dell's Charlotte, Diane's Leo, Maggie's Emma, and Maureen's Ann Marie, but I could name another half-dozen Internet cuties as well. I have a lot of Twitter friends with new babies, and sharing the experiences (especially in #midnightfeedingclub) was a big part of keeping me sane this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit? What states did you visit? What counties did you visit?

Well, what with going to our hometown (which is ninety long miles away) two entire times, plus making a trek all the way from the southern part of our state to the northern part of our state (with babies in tow)... I bet I was in eight or ten different counties this year. Wow! That is almost a dozen whole counties.

You can call me intrepid. I won't argue.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Peace.

I have wound myself so tightly trying to manage my life that I am not so much living as I am ricocheting from task to task with no time to enjoy or even to notice the good things I have. That needs to change. This year, I hope it will.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 5: My friends on Twitter were talking about Cinco de Mayo margaritas and I was sitting in a hospital bed watching contractions peak on a monitor and listening to a neonatologist talk about NICU time. It was the day I let go of my plan/hope of having full-term babies and bringing them home right away.

May 12: In the first hour of this day Linus Michael and Ambrose John came (practically) flying out of me and our life was (for the third and fourth times) changed forever.

May 13: I was discharged from the hospital and left my babies there. I cried a LOT this day.

May 27: We brought Linus home from the NICU without Ambrose. More crying. (Sense a theme?)

May 29: Finally, both of them home! A joyous day. 

December 25: Christmas at home with our little family. The year was almost over and I think this was the first time I realized and affirmed that we will live through this.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I kicked butt this year. I gave birth to TWO babies! I exclusively breastfed them (I'd been lucky to have had easy nursing experiences before, but this time I worked HARD to feed my babies.) I managed to be a primary, stay-at-home caregiver to four children under the age of five for many months.

I was more exhausted, more strung out, more despairing at the hugeness of this job than I've ever been, and I still pushed through.

2011 was the year when I realized that that "cannot" is really - no, really, as cheesy as it sounds - NOT in my vocabulary.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I'm tempted to name a bunch of little things, but they are so tiny in comparison to the success of this year that I'm refusing myself permission to list them.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I might've had a mild case of preeclampsia the week before the babies were born; the doctors could never agree. I had mastitis in mid-summer which fortunately passed quickly, but I was miserable for a few days. I suffered a couple killer headaches and a bunch of minor ones that I'm pretty sure would stop if I could manage to get enough sleep and stay hydrated. Bah! But otherwise, a pretty healthy year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Camelbak hydration pack, which got me through bed rest and which I still keep in bed with me at night so I can drink water without even sitting up. That thing rocks.

Also the iPhone 4s. It's my first smartphone and I'm hooked.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Bryan's. I always chuckle inwardly when people ask me if he "helps" with the children. If you know him, you know what a ridiculous question that is. He matches me stride for stride and I'm continually amazed by his willingness to sacrifice his needs for mine and the kids'.

Lauren's. Having her at the other end of the phone line is a big part of the reason I'm sane. She has been SUCH a good friend to me this year, in all my most pathetic moments, and has supported me without wavering even as I'm struggling to cope with a blessing she's seeking. THAT is a true friend.

And my whole family's. My sisters especially have each given a lot of their time and energy to help me this year; my parents, as usual, go above and beyond; and my brothers are better at admiring baby pictures than any other young single guys I know. All of them are a blessing to me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Honesty, I can't read every third news story lest the horrors keep me up at night with the Bad Thoughts. But that whole Penn State thing was especially awful.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Probably to the mortgage, as usual, but we spent an unprecedented amount on medical bills this year. Our out-of-pocket costs for L&D and NICU time were pushing five figures, and we have decent health insurance.

We can't afford to have twins OR a preemie again anytime soon, is what I'm saying.

15. What did you get really excited about?

This was not really a year of excitement. It was more a year of trying not to be terrified, then being relieved when things turned out okay, then being exhausted and overwhelmed, then continuing to be relieved when time marched on and we somehow managed to survive.

I *am* pretty excited that 2011 is over now. I expect 2012 to be a much better year.

16. What song sound will always remind you of 2011?

It's an unbeatable combination, really: shrieking + cackling + wailing + gulping/swallowing.

The shrieking is Camilla, upset because Blaise is beating up on her. The laughter is his, obviously. One baby is wailing because I am not holding him. The other is gulping/swallowing because he is nursing, which is the reason I can't get up from the couch to solve the shrieking/cackling/wailing.

It is SAD how many times this exact scenario happened to me this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 

– happier or sadder? This is complicated.

On one hand, I am worn thinner than I've ever been, and am exhausted and overwhelmed a lot of the time. I cry often.

On the other hand, I am relieved, both that my twin pregnancy had a happy ending and that we made it through the first eight months with two babies. And also, we HAVE those babies, and Linus and Ambrose are a joy and a gift in themselves.

On balance, I'm going with happier, but I hope that this time next year I am happier AND rejuvenated AND more content.

– thinner or fatter? Thinner. But this time last year I was in the second trimester of a pregnancy during which I was specifically trying to gain weight. So that's not saying much.

– richer or poorer? Poorer. Did you read the part about the medical bills? And we've just decided to send Camilla to private school next fall, so watch this space for the same answer next year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Being gentle and patient with my husband. Listening to my big kids and enjoying them. Giving myself credit. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
 

Blaming myself and viewing every weakness as a failure.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
 

At home, just the six of us, on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. 4:30pm Christmas Eve Mass, appetizers for dinner, reading The Grinch, A Visit from St. Nicholas, and the account of the nativity from the Gospel of Luke, hanging stockings. Opening stockings with the big kids at 8:00am before the babies were up, eating cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast, opening family presents one by one around the tree.

Later in the day my family came for a big dinner, and we continued our Christmas celebrations over the following days, but the evening of the 24th and the morning of the 25th were perfect.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
 

With my baby boys, of course.

22. What was your favorite TV program? 

As is my tradition when a baby is born, I re-watched all of Gilmore girls. I still love it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
 

I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?
 

My best reading experience this year was re-reading Harry Potter, the whole series from start to finish, in November and December. That is one incredible story.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?  Did you, by any chance, perfect your recipe for blueberry muffins this year? Would you like to share it with the world?

As a matter of fact, I did and I would.

26. What did you want and get?
 

Two healthy babies, praise God.

27. What did you want and not get?
 

A full-term birth for my babies. A reasonable amount of rest, of both the emotional and physical types.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? How much pizza did you eat this year?

A truly ridiculous amount. I'd like to say that will change in 2012. We'll see.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
 

I turned 29 on August 23rd. It was a fine day. I remember very little about it, just as with most of the days in the babies' early months.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I'd spent more time appreciating how hard I was working instead of blaming myself and worrying about unimportant details.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Have you showered this week? Good for you!

Thank you!

32. What kept you sane?
 

Bryan, Lauren, my family, my friends outside the computer and (sort of especially) on Twitter. My support network rocks. Also, I started going to counseling in mid-October and over two-and-a-half months it has already helped me immensely.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Can you sing the theme song from Thomas & Friends? Do you hate it?

I can and I do. What a freaking earworm. 

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Did you manage to read any magazines?

I always page through my issues of Cuisine at Home and Cook's Country and Bon Appetit with excitement, even though I'm currently unable to try many new recipes. Looking forward to more cooking once things settle down around here.

35. Who did you miss?
 

My sister Miriel and my brother Brandon, hundreds of miles away. Lauren, ditto. The year I learn to apparate is going to be the year my life finally improves immeasurably.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Besides the babies, which is sort of obvious, I'm going with my new online-turned-real-life friend Laura. She's a long-time blog reader who's local, and while I technically met her in 2010, she's been awesome this year - so helpful and supportive and fun. I'm grateful for her.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Self-flagellation is a very bad idea.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Do you like cheese?

Yes, as long as it's melted and not too pungent.

Good-bye, 2011!