Erosion

Bryan caught the 4:30 flight instead of the 6:30 one this evening and walked in the door a full two hours before I expected him.  (I tweeted wrong about that, oops.  Just a typo.)

I'm so happy to have him home, but am bummed because as of right now he's got to go on another trip next week.  Three nights this time, Tuesday through Friday.

He waited a little while to tell me about it after he got home.  But I still cried.

I am so grateful for all the support that everyone has given me here.  I hope you know that!  And I certainly know that it could be so much worse, that there are people whose normal, everyday lives are harder than mine is when Bryan's away.  Heck, that's probably true for at least 90% of the people in the world.

But you guys, I am just so tired!  Being the only person responsible for the needs of two tiny, noticeably needy people from dawn until dusk - oh, and from dusk until dawn as well! - is exhausting.  I've done the single-parenting thing for eight out of the last thirteen days and I am ready to dig a hole under our house and hide in it. 

It makes me want to cry just thinking about doing it for another 72 hours next week.

There is the possibility that this particular trip of Bryan's - already scheduled and cancelled twice - may be cancelled again, so I'm trying not to count chickens until they hatch.  (Although doesn't counting chickens refer to expecting something good?  Maybe I should say I'm not counting tiny mutant killer dinosaurs until they hatch?)  But it's also not good to hold out hope - Murphy's Law says the trip will happen this week.  Four days from now.

But what I can do now is enjoy these four days!  And I'm going to!  Bryan's idea is that we make sure to give me some time "off" every day that he's home, so I'm trying to concentrate on thinking of fun stuff to do with my time.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Comments

[Elsha]

I think we all get used to our own situations and it's hard to adjust sometimes! I know lots of women are single moms and do it all day every day, but I'm like you-- the thought of doing it alone even for a few days makes me want to cry.

Enjoy your time off!

[Manda]

Isn't it the WORST when there's no one to tag out!? Hang in there!!

[Dr. Maureen]

I have been thinking of you! Andrew may be going on a trip at the end of July, and the thought terrifies me! Last night he went to a no-kids wedding, and even that was hard for me, and my kids were angels all day! So I will say some prayers for you. Hang in there, and use your time off to recharge.

[Michelle]

The hardest situation to be in is your own! No matter that someone else has it harder, you don't live that one. I'm sorry that Bryan is away so much - I hope his trips stop coming so close together. It's much easier to handle doing the single-parenting thing for a couple of days every few months!

[mary]

My husband was gone for a week in June. It sucked big-time and I only have one almost-three-year-old. My aunt came and stayed but like you said, I was still the go-to person for EVERYTHING. Ugh. And I had plenty of notice. I was SO glad to see him come back.

Hang in there and enjoy your "me-time".

[Maura]

Ugh. How awful. It's so hard to be the ONE parent when you're used to being a team. And to not really get relief between trips makes it that much worse.

Prayers that Bryan's trip gets cancelled, at least until a week later.

[Hoo]

Oh Arwen, I can recall feeling the same dread when my kids were tiny and my husband was working insane hours and traveling out of state a lot. Years later I can say -nothing stays the same forever. Work situations change, children grow, you get more confident. If a wimp like me can get through it, I just know you can! But I hope his trip gets cancelled too! Hugs!

[Kate P]

Thanks for sharing your point of view regarding the traveling parent situation. I am usually in Bryan's shoes, and that is awful, as well, but not as exhausting as being home with the little ones all alone. Hang in there! You are in my prayers.