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Friday, October 12, 2007

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My best friend is more than ten years older than I am. We worked together many moons ago, often just the two of us, in a very small office, and conversation after conversation, we realized how much we had in common. We have the exact same personality and an enormous amount of interests and ideas in common. We've been best friends for about 15 (!!!) years now, and I can honestly say our friendship just gets better all the time. We don't even live in the same state anymore, yet we're still as close as ever.

I think we just built such a good foundation all those years ago, and understand each other so well, that our friendship has survived, and will survive.

Also, people often commented on how mature I was (this is not such a big accomplishment now that I'm in my late 20s!; but it used to be very flattering) and my friend has a definite youthful side to her personality. So that helped too. I guess in the beginning we sort of met in the middle, and now we've caught up to each other :)

This is probably more of an answer than you needed!

My best friend (not counting my dh!) is almost exactly my age. I'm a couple of months older, and she'll never let me forget it. My other two best friends are 8 years older and 3 years younger than me.

My other friends all vary in age. I would bet that most of them are within 10 years of my age, but there are some much older and some much younger. None younger than 24, I think. None older than 64. By friends, I mean more than acquaintances, of course.

High school age - too young to be mature enough to be a real friend. Perhaps that is what is needed - someone who has "grown-up" life experiences. There isn't enough to build common ground on which to base a friendship without that, I think, now that I'm a "grown-up". I know at least one 40 year old that is so immature that I could never have a real friendship with her, which is kind of sad to say, but that's the way it is sometimes.

BTW, is this going to be a trend, never being home on Camilla's birthday? You could travel the country, making sure that you're in a new place every year, since you weren't home when she decided to arrive? Make sure that sweet 16 is somewhere incredible - maybe Hawaii.

Oops, I missed part of the question.

How we met - my best friend and I met in college, wayyyyy back in our younger days.

My other best friends - we met through our kids. The one who is 8 years older and I met at a LLL meeting and our firstborns are the same age. We just clicked.

The one who is 3 years younger - again we met through our kids. In this case, our kids were friends and then we became friends. It helps that both my ds14 and dd11 are best friends with her ds14 and dd11 :-). But we are similiar in many ways, and again , it just clicked.

I'm not sure how old a lot of my 'older' friends are, because it doesn't really come up. I made one fun friend in choir where we lived in MI, and then found out she had a blog too. I'm not sure how old she is, but definitely in a very different time in life than myself. (Right Roz?) We'd be closer if I still lived there, I think.

My mother-in-law is one of my most valued friendships (and I'm not just being sweet, we really are friends and have a good time together). She's about twice my age. And I would consider my former history prof and his wife to be my friends, and they have a daughter in college.

So I guess age doesn't mean that much to me when it comes to friendship, though the friendships with people who are my age and in a similar phase of life (early marriage and parenthood) have a special character of shared feeling. But then I've always socialized more comfortably with older people (my parents friends and other adults), even when I was a kid, and learning how to relate to peers was actually a learned behaviour...and one I found difficult until my peers turned into fellow adults. :-)

Most of my friends are a good three to eight years older than me. We live in an area (and go to a church) that just happens to have mostly peoplel in that age group. i worried that I wouldn't find any good friends, but i feel like I fit right in, even without children.

The majority of our friends are either about 10-15 years older than we are, or they are just our age. The older ones we met through the internet, or by chance; the ones that are our age are our contemporaries and we generally went to school with them.

I've always been the young one, and since I'm an only child I've always related well to adults. Now that I'm an adult, I still relate better to older people. I'm very happy that way.

I'm amazed to discover that I have maybe only two friends who are significantly older than me, and none (irl) who are a lot younger. I met one through other friends (who are mostly older than me, but only by a few years) and one I met as part of a church young-adult group where the term "young adult" was intended to cover the age range from 20-40. In both cases I do consider these people friends as opposed to acquaintances, but we rarely socialize these days.

My closest friend is about 5 years older than me. She used to be Phillip's Friend's Wife and that plus the 5 years older (and also being beautiful and brilliant and always put together) made her super intimidating, but when we got married our apartment was within walking distance of theirs and we became very close. 5 years is not a big deal, but I do like to remind her every once in a while that she is 30 something while I am only 20 something. And I did give her wrinkle cream for her 30th birthday. I am such an awesome friend.

My best girlfriend is now refered to as my sister, though we have no blood or legal ties to each other, we've adopted each other and consider each other family. She is 6 years older than me and we met when she was my babysitter when I was a kid. She was the matron-of-honor at my wedding, her son is the first baby I met that proved to me how much I could possibly love a child (even now, I struggle with thinking that I can love my own baby more than I love him).

My best friend at work is 20 years older than me (though I continually tell her she must be lying since there is NO WAY she is that old) and we've become very close over the last 2 years.

Once you're in a place in adulthood where you are dealing with adult things - marriage, children, possibly, real jobs, etc. age sort of seems to fade away.

Ahem, excuse me but if the title of this post is directed at ME I am 34. That's thirty FOUR, thank you very much.

Until you, all of my friends tended to be my age or older and I have always had an unusual number of much older friends. My baby sitter used to come over when my parents were home so we could hang out. No joke. She was in high school when I was in middle school so she must have been like six years older at least.

And then I had a party in college where the oldest person there was 84 and the youngest 18--it was a college kegger but man did it have CLASS. The faculty I was friends with came as did my musician friends from the jazz club and Irish pubs I hung out in.

There was something for everyone.

The faculty just pretended that there weren't kids in the basement taking X and the kids taking X STAYED in the basement out of respect for the much more interesting musicians and intellectuals in the living room.

(I'm just kidding. No one was taking X. But there were frat boys who stayed in the basement to be debaucherous. I was surprised to discover a few of them sleeping there the next morning.)

My proclivity for hanging out with older people occasionally got me into unsavory situations but that's a WHOLE other potato.

We LOVED having you all here. And don't forget--Jim is 11 years older than me so he is the REALLY old one. He remembers Neil Armstrong walking on the moon. I kid you not.

Hi, Arwen, long time no commnet!

One of my very best friends in the world is quite literally old enough to be my mother. Gail is 51; my own mother is 54.

Gail and I met at my parish. She was a leader of a group called Re-Membering Church, where revert Catholics can come and ask questions. I was 22 when we met, and she was 43. She had just had her 6th baby.

We just clicked. She took me under her wing. I spent most of my Sundays at her home with her family. When my fiance, now husband, moved to Yellowknife to join me, he was welcomed there as well.

It was Gail and her husband who taught us how to live as Catholics. They were the ones who strenously objected to us living together, and with great love and humility, challenged us to chastity.

Gail was there when all three of my children were born. My own mother was too far away to come, and always said she felt so much better knowing Gail was with me. My children call her "Grandma Gail", and my oldest is quite attached to her.

I call Gail my spiritual mom. We recently moved to a new province, and saying good-bye to her was almost more difficult than saying good-bye to my own parents.

My friend D. is like my "big sister." She's 10 years and a couple of months older than me (I'm 29), and her husband is actually 21 years older than me, but somehow my boyfriend (5 years older than me) and I have really fun double dates with them.

Anyway, yesterday D. and two of her friends (also in their late 30s) needed a fourth teammate for a scavenger hunt and asked me to join. I was a little nervous -- would they make jokes or comments about my age? Nope, it was great, I would never have noticed they were significantly older than me.

At a certain point, I really think it doesn't matter anymore, which is great!

To my surprise, as soon as I graduated from college--wham! My new friends all were older. One close friend (a former supervisor) is in her 50s; a number are in their 40s. I remember what I shock it was to discover at age 23 that, when it came to dating, a five-year age gap--as with my future husband--was suddenly "no big deal"! (When a guy 12 years older asked me out, I didn't understand what he was getting at--because, to me, dating someone over a decade older was beyond the realm of possibility!)

As you say, at a certain point, age becomes nearly irrelevant in friendship.

Could you please ask Camilla to check her email?

My best friend in the world is two years older than I (which is not a significant gap, but it became a little more significant when she became an old married woman this summer). We met freshman year of college, but our friendship started sophomore year in Rome, when we had a long conversation on the metro about the boy she had just started dating, who was in boot camp at the time. I was a bridesmaid when she married him this past June. My best friend over the internet is at least four years older, but I don't know exactly how old she is. We have more important things to discuss than our ages.

My best friend in the whole wide world is just 12 days younger than me. We've been best friend since we were two. However, my closest friend that I've met thru the internet (thru a mom's message board) is nearly 8 years younge (I'm 35, just like your Jen.) We have lots in common - plenty that's different, but we keep each other laughing enough that age (and our other difference) don't matter at all!

I'm 45. All of my friends are older than me, some by a lot (15 years).

The ones who were late mothers like me have a special place in my life.

In Ray Bradbury's "Dandelion Wine" there is a story about a relationship that was off-kilter in the time continuum. I always think back to that when I reflect on not being friends with people my own age or younger.

A lot of my closest friends now are older than me. I think that's because I started working in family ministry right out of college, and a lot of the volunteers in the various ministries were, well, women with families. Most of them still have small children and are within 10 years of my age, but the age thing seemed to drop out of the picture in these friendships.

Maybe it also helps that my husband (by BEST friend) is 8+ years older than me, so I'm used to hanging with the "more mature" crowd. Now that I've eclipsed the *gasp* dreaded 3-0 mark, I guess I'm officially one of them anyway!

We have friends of all ages, and now that we lead a Bible study for young marrieds, we are finding we're the old fogeys :-)

Drat! (There, internet, you have a sample of our mild "profanity".) I didn't really think you'd be posting today, after flying yesterday, but I was hoping.

I have a very dear friend who is about 15 years older than me. My sister in all ways un-biological, she is a soul mate to me. I babysat her son in high school - 6 months then, 13 years now - and spent so much time with her during those very formative years, that we just clicked and have stayed close ever since.

I guess I have a connection to the "older crowd" (ha) as my husband is 12 years my elder. Thus, many of my married-life friends are closer to his age than to mine. But I've come to realize that, when seeking companionship these days, I cling more to those who are in my same state in life than I do to those who just happen to be my same age....

Hello! Just started reading your blog a few days ago and catching up in the archives! Most of our friends are the same age or a year or two older than us (25). Of my closest friends, they are 6 months, and one year older, and also a third is 1 year younger.

Enjoying your blog :o)

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