When She Can Take Off Her Own Diapers, We'll Be In Trouble

Milla is playing happily by herself with some toys, which is very rare, so I thought I'd take advantage and write a little.  We'll see how long the playing lasts; she's still very much the sort of baby who wants to be held and have human interaction at all times - she's currently looking at me quizzically as if to say "why am I over here when you're over there, Mom?" - but occasionally she will be satisfied on her own for a few minutes.

And now she's telling me in a very insistent voice that it's time for me to pick her up now, so I'm going to hit the pause button on this post.  I started writing at 9:27am; we'll see what time it is when I actually publish it.

(Later) She's actually asleep in her swing now - a little miracle, since she's been eschewing it more and more often lately.

My sister reminded me that this picture, which she took of Camilla, really deserves to be shared with the world.

Blah blah cliche cliche blah, but I can't believe how fast she is growing up.

(Milla is a serious Sandra Boynton fan, as you might have guessed.  To her, Boynton's books are not only tasty, but fascinating as well.)

Bonus: You can listen to the Personal Penguin song (lyrics by Boynton, sung by Davy Jones of the Monkees) here.  But you should only do it if you have a high tolerance for all things silly.

Speaking of books (uh, sort of) I've been wondering about television.  We don't have one, and neither do any of our close friends with babies, and I'm wondering about how most people handle the television/baby thing.  At what age do kids normally start watching television or videos?  I know the AAP suggests no TV before age two.  Do most people follow that?  Bryan and I have DVD players on our computers, and watch movies fairly regularly - generally while Camilla is asleep, these days.  We're not planning on getting a TV, but we're not opposed to letting her watch movies occasionally as special treats at some point, we just haven't decided what age that will be.

At any rate, I'm interested in what worked for you and your family.  No judging, I promise - I'm just curious about what you did, and why, and what you observed as the effects.  This whole parenting thing is new and big and complicated, and the more information the better, in my opinion.

On the drive back from skiing last weekend, Bryan and I had a fairly long conversation about what we'd like our personal parenting priorities to be.  Young as we are, our main frame of reference for comparisons and contrasts is still our own parents and the parents of our friends, and we spent a long time talking about the parenting we saw in action when we were younger, and the effects it has had as we've all gotten older, and so on.  And of course we had a lot of ideas about how we'd do things differently.

It's easy to be a good parent if you don't have any children.  And I think that is also true when you extrapolate: it's easy to be a good parent of a stubborn preschooler if you don't have a stubborn preschooler; it's easy to be a good parent of a rebellious teenager if you don't have a rebellious teenager, and so on.  Bryan and I have a lot of ideas, and I think the ideas are good in theory.  But I'm betting that in five years we'll look back on that conversation and laugh at ourselves a little, at how we had all the answers until the real, live questions came along.

One thing we definitely agree on is that parenting is probably as easy now as it will ever be.  Not that being a parent to a baby is so relaxing - and during the first three months I know we both wondered wildly what we'd gotten ourselves into - but the challenges are almost exclusively physical, and physical challenges are the least challenging, in my opinion.  All we've got to do for Milla at this point is feed her, keep her clean and warm, and respond to her if she cries.  Not so complicated.  I certainly don't love pacing the floor with a fussy, overtired baby who won't go to sleep, but neither do I wonder obsessively if I'm doing it wrong.  Older children have more complicated emotional and psychological needs that can't be met so simply.

And because I know you all love visual aids:

Here is an example of a infant need that is simple, if messy.  Say it with me now: ewwww.

(I was simply burning to share that picture, yet didn't feel it would be appropriate to send it out to the relatives.  So I share it with you, oh beloved Internets.  Aren't you grateful?)

"Teh Baby" (as we like to call her round these parts) is still sleeping, oh miracle of miracles.  I'm thinking it's party time.  Perhaps I will brush my teeth and switch the brush from one hand to the other, just because I can.  (Milla loves the bathroom, so I normally brush one-handed while she chats with the mirror image of herself.)  Man, my life is so wild now.

10:55am.  Less than an hour and a half from start to finish.  This might be a record.

Comments

[Annika]

We have a TV but use it only for DVDs (and video games). We don't put on movies or programs for Sam (10 months old) but we let him watch whatever we are watching. Generally he isn't very interested (we keep a huge basket of toys in the den) and we just don't make a big deal out of it one way or the other.

(I can't remember if I've ever commented before. If not, hi!)

[SouthernComfortable]

Whoa. The book pictures are so adorable, and then the other picture is so . . . well . . . yuck. Such is life with a baby, I suppose. :-)

I have no real TV advice to offer, except to say that my neighbors have two daughters, ages 3 and 5. They just this year got a TV to watch movies, but they don't have cable or satellite. They've generally let the girls watch movies on the computer, the way you watch them. These girls are so creative and engaged and smart. I wonder how much of that comes from the fact that they haven't been plopped in front of a TV from infancy.

[Tammy]

We have a tv and cable. My son didn't show any interest in the television until he was about a year old. I let him watch a few shows every day(about an hour total). That didn't last too long since I didn't like the way he zoned out when the tv was on. He's two now and watches pretty much only movies plus whatever I happen to watch.

[Salome Ellen]

I would have LOVED that picture! You totally should have put it in the last family broadcast!

[Sarah]

We don't have a TV, but we have a large computer monitor that we watch movies on.

The Man-Cub is three and a half now. He started watching Thomas the Tank Engine when he was about two. Now he watches that, Cars, Mary Poppins, and Blue's Clues, mostly. He watches about an hour daily, sometimes an hour and a half. I use it to keep him occupied while I'm putting his sister down for naps. I try to keep it to a minimum and choose slow moving shows where everyone treats each other nicely. I'd like it if he never watched TV, but with a three year old and a 16 month old, well, I appreciate having the movies as an option. It gives me that time to care for his sister and it gives me a break, too. To tell the truth, I have no idea what I would have done with my 25 month old while trying to put a newborn down for a nap if I couldn't trust him to stay glued to Thomas the Tank Engine while I was upstairs putting the baby to sleep. Am I making sense at all?

[Kim]

Two words. Baby Einstein. I cannot believe you've made it through five months of little Milla's life without the baby equivalent to crack!

It's nice because it seems to stop a crying baby in his/her tracks. And it's educational.

Otherwise, I think waiting until about 2 is good. Although my niece loved Nemo (Bebo! she'd call him) by about 18 months.

[Bev Adkins]

Oh Arwen, I know you have said before how you grew up in a home with no TV, and how you have no TV, but oh my goodness girl, how do you cope? I could not live with out my TV. My kids all have one in their rooms. Arwen & Kylie have mild addictions to Disney channel, and Lucas is an animal planet buff. Their is always a TV on in our house in one room or other. The absolute worst punishment you can give my kids is to ground them from TV, now that is torture!!!!! I know the experts say too much TV...yada yada yada, we don't really listen to that. I know we probably should. I respect anyone who does so anyone who does please do not e mail me yelling at me because I am not in any way disregarding your beliefs I am simply saying Michael & I just let them watch TV, as long as homework and chores are done, they can watch it. {Well, we do definitely restrict WHAT they watch} We monitor what they watch, definitely. We are strict about the programs they are able to watch, but I can not sleep without my TV, I love discovery health channel, discovery times, court tv, and who can live with out Gilmore girls and golden girls....ok ok, maybe I am just a little addicted, maybe I need to go to TV addicts anonymous! When ever your lil' muffin does start watching TV, I highly suggest you getting her some doodle bops DVD’s, and little Einstein. Arwen was in love with Maisey mouse and Kipper the dog, but she was like three before they caught her eye. I am not Catholic, I am Nazarene, however I have several friends who are Catholic and a couple of them have told me before that I should do a lent like thing, {I told them we call that fasting} and give up my TV, or my computer and pick up my Bible a little bit more. I really think I should do this, but just never have. I admire you so much for your values. You should Google the Dugger family sometime, they have premiered on discovery health channel and TLC, they have 16 children, they also have no TV, they home school, and they are pretty neat.
Well, I'll stop rambling now I Just had to add my two cents. When ever you do let Miss Milla watch DVD's please let me know, I will personally buy her a doodle bops DVD! They are so cute!
Love ya!
Kisses and Hugs!

[maggie]

This is our plan: We're going to start the boy on Jon Stewart at about two months and graduate to cable news and reality television at six. By two he'll know to turn off anything starring David Spade, by three he'll be quoting 'Friends' and by four he'll be demanding to know why Lauren Graham has yet to win an Emmy. We're going to be so proud.

[Amanda]

Whenever anyone asks me what having two kids is like, I always say, "you never have any idea how easy a baby is until you have a 2-year-old!" and it's so true. Babies are SIMPLE. You love them and that's enough.

Toddlers on the other hand? Completely different. Age two SLAYED me. It was so hard. It required ACTUAL PARENTING and I fear I was too tired and pregnant to handle it very well. Three is already better, but man I really had no idea it would be this hard.

[Amanda]

Oh. And both my kids watched Baby Einstein DVDs pretty much from birth. My first also still watches an hour or two kid shows every day. I do use the TV as a babysitter and even though I'm not the least bit ashamed of that, I constantly strive to reduce the amount of tv he watches.

My question is how on earth YOU live without a tv?!? I love watching television. I look forward to it every night after I put the kids to bed.

[jenex]

I just wrote a big huge comment and typepad ate it. I hate that. Anyway, to sum up:

First, that picture. Hee. Lila pooped like that one time, out the front AND back of her diaper (seriously talented, that girl) WHILE WE WERE NURSING. No one should ever have to clean poop off their boob. Talk about disgusting.

Secondly, we have a tv, as you know. (And are we not close friends? With a baby? Well, fine then!) And we watch it too much. We're trying to wean A off, and watch much less ourselves, because we find ourselves turning it on out of habit even when there is nothing particularly enticing to watch. I don't think tv is inherently evil but I do think there are better things to do. I doubt we'd ever get rid of ours, though -- M has to have his sports, and I am an admitted pop culture junkie. The great thing about the DVR is that everything Amelia watches is recorded or on DVD, and she never sees commericials. That's one thing we're actively trying to avoid. We have some Baby Einstein dvds but Amelia never was very interested in them, and it never occured to me that Lila might be interested yet. I think we'll wait on that. We haven't exactly tried to shield her, but we haven't plopped her in front of the tv in her Bumbo either. She's mostly seen hockey with her dad. I hope that doesn't give her violent tendencies!

Also, avoid the Doodlebops like the plague. They are evil. Evil, I tell you!

[Jennifer]

We have a TV, but for awhile we only had one channel. Recently, though we got basic cable, but after not having more than one channel for some time, my husband and I just got in the habit of not watching TV. We love movies, but that is for when the kids are in bed. I do let my children (25 mo. and 12 mo.) watch a movie every now and then. We try to keep it to a minimum: once or twice a week, or if I desperately need to keep the kids occupied while I get something done (though generally a rare occurrence, since I usually can find something else to keep them occupied. My kids are rather active little ones!) My 25 mo. old son LOVES Veggie Tales, and it is fun to watch with them, and the DVDs are only about 30 min. long. They always have a Christian message tied into it as well. It is always nice to be able to surprise my children and occasionally let them pick out a Veggie Tales movie to watch! I love being able to give my kids little treats here and there!

[Becky]

We have a TV and while ds did not show any interest in the TV until he was 2 years old (he is soon to be 5), he is now a TV aholic. If I could go back in time and change anything it would to never have turned that TV on to begin with. Now we have to limit his TV time, but if it were up to him, he could watch 24/7. So my advice would be to keep her away as long as possible!

[Rosie_Kate]

Oh, yes! We love Sandra Boynton, too! I've been collecting them from thrift stores! So deliciously silly! (Oh, and your Personal Penguin link didn't work!)

We used to let now-22mo DS watch movies with us because he didn't really watch them. But then he started to get to into them, and we dicided only to watch movies after he's in bed (especially now the he repeats every word he hears-- like the other day when he heard "sex" on the radio in the car and was gleefully repeating it to himself in the backseat.) We do not put movies on for him yet, and I'm gonna wait as long as I can. I'm afraid I might crack after the new baby is born... This morning an elderly lady friend of ours put Sesame Street on for him and he was enchanted. (for about 15 min. anyway) Makes me kind of glad we don't have cable or satelite...

[Amy F]

Peter saw very limited TV until he turned 2 and his brother was born. Mostly talking heads and some sports events. Since then he's been watching more, largely because I can't get his brother to nap unless I leave Peter alone for awhile and the TV is the safest way for me to do that. Also, he stopped napping and there are just a lot more hours in the day. Now he watches Sesame Street, some movies, and a couple other PBS shows.

[Julie]

Ah, television. TV was never restricted in our house growing up; we could watch as much as we wanted, violence, risque content, you name it -- anything but shows about the Holocaust. We're surprisingly bright and normal, but no way would I ever parent my kids like that. ;)

We've got one television and that's the way I intend for it to stay for a very long time.

We do let our girls watch, though -- about four shows a day. DVR-ed that translates to about an hour and a half. Some days a little more, some days not at all. They get plenty of love and attention the other twelve hours they're awake, I can assure you. ;)

I think we started letting our oldest watch Baby Einstein when she was close to a year -- of course the baby started earlier because her big sister was watching, and I was so completely fried in her early months. I really watch the content though -- a lot of times little kids watch stuff that's not age-appropriate because their older siblings are, and I'm not going to let that happen. Heck, Disney movies scare the pants off of them, so neither one is particularly pining to watch anything that they shouldn't be watching. ;)

[Debs]

I don't have any kids so I'm not going to try to suggest anything, however I just wanted to say I couldn't get the link to the penguin song to work (and was very disappointed!)

[Maggie]

Onely: I highly recommend the Personal Penguin song--I started listening to it because Arwen was singing it to calm down the Billa, and I kind of liked it, and then I played it to help her get to sleep, and then I just listened to it because it's kind of a cool song, and now it is on perpetual repeat on my iPod and I sing it in the shower and in my sleep and sometimes in class and the other day I accidentally sang the Sanctus at Mass to the tune of Personal Penguin...Okay, not really. But beware, is all I'm sayin', because it does get stuck in your head.

Twoly: I think that Milla is going to be her mostly nickname. That makes me happy.

Threely: I'm glad that I am just her aunt, and not her mommy--I think I need a few more years of metaphysics and moral theology before I'll be able to tackle a blowout like that one.

Fourly: I grew up with no television in my house, and let me tell you, it made me brilliant! I can now recite all of the prose poetry of Alexander Solzenhitsyn BACKWARDS. In my sleep. Take that, baby Einstein :-p

[Arwen]

Link fixed!

[ali]

i'll second that ew :)

[Brooke]

We have a TV in the basement where we watch DVDs after the kid is in bed. She does not watch TV yet. We aren't really big TV watchers and I wasn't as a kid either.

You totally need to switch to cloth diapers. :)

[Michelle]

Love the pics - my oldest are 5 and still big Boynton fans. They got the Philadelphia Chickens book & CD set for their birthday and sing along with it for hours.

On the TV thing - I grew up with it on all the time and I think I turned out ok. My kids like it, but don't usually watch anything from start to finish. They watched Baby Mozart after lunch every single day from 4 months until about 1 year. I needed that time to clean up the wreckage. Now they enjoy all sorts of things on TV- many of them educational, some just for fun. I think the important thing to remember about TV is that it's like anything else. The key is moderation. My kids pretty much like the opening song of most programs and lose interest in the show until the closing song.

I hate animation, so my favorite shows to share with them are live action singing ones. They get up and dance more than stare at the tube! Everyone in my house loves a good dance party.

[Elly_L]

I have two sons, a 3 year old and a 18 month old. We have a TV, but no reception, so we only use it for movies. My oldest son loves to watch movies, and it is a big temptation to me to use it as a babysitter all of the time. But mostly we have a routine where I let him watch a 30 minute Thomas the Tank Engine program during the fist part of his little brother's nap, and then he spends the rest of the little brother's nap in his room having "quiet time." Sometimes I'll let them watch movies with me, although pretty much only the 3-year-old is interested at this point. But we watched Star Wars Episode IV the other night and they both sat captivated for the entire time! The oldest wasn't really interested in TV until he was almost 2, although I tried to interest him in Baby Einstein. What got him hooked was the Letter Factory DVD. He could recognize all of the letters and say their sounds before he would even speak in sentences!

I'm thankful for the option to put a movie on for him, and I think I have his consumption pretty much under control, but sometimes I think the ease of the entertainment offered on the TV makes it harder for him to enjoy other more productive past-times.

Don't know if that helps at all - but you said you were just gathering data!

[Diane]

My daughter just turned 7 months, and I really don't want her watching TV for quite a while. I think I'm just hoping that she'll be interested in other things that will keep her active. We'll play it by ear as she gets older. I did check out a Baby Einstein DVD from the library, and she seemed to like it for a few minutes here and there. I thought it was nice because it was just classical music with very tranquil pictures. No big jumps or quick scene changes.

I put the TV on sometimes during the day to one of the digital music channels. The picture is just pretty much the artist/song title/album cover, and she loves to listen. She loves it even more when I sing along, so it's more active play time than anything. I highly recommend it for a fussy baby!

[Hoo]

We don't restrict TV, we find they like it, but they are just as into their books and toys. We don't have video games, but they are allowed their educational computer CDs.
Whatever works for a family works. We watched a Harry Potter DVD and I was impressed with how my 8 year old could discuss the plot and character motivations and how my 5 year old could recognize characters from another HP dvd. My son was the same way with Thomas videos - along with the books - he really absorbed what each train's personality (and there are so many of those trains!) My kids seem to "get" something out of it. If I found my kids sitting there like zombies with their mouths hanging open (sight seen at friend's houses) then it's be off in a flash.
I myself like my few hours of TV a week. I'm partial to SciFi and Britcoms, thought I think most regular TV stinks.

[Maren]

I think it's great you don't have a tv. My husband and I decided awhile back to get rid of cable and I'm glad we did. Now, instead of turning on the tv out of habit, we pick up a book, or mylanta we TALK!!! What could be better for our marriage. ;-)

Anywho, I don't have any kids yet, but I've babysat a lot! I personally enjoy Little Einstein! I had fun watching it! It was very educational and the 2 year old I was watching was totally engaged with the show for the whole half hour. Each episode has highlights an artist and one of their paintings/pictures, a musician and one of their songs. There are actions the kids can do with the characters and they ask questions etc... fun stuff.

Anywho... that's my 2 cents! Have a wonderful day! Camilla is beautiful!

[Christiana]

Don't have kids yet, so I truly have no idea what we will do about TV. We love it. We are addicted and we are total movie buffs, so I find it hard to imagine how you survive without TV. I'm sure I could probably live without if I had to, but I read a ton as it is, so I can only imagine how many books would be in our house without a TV around.
We've talked about "not using the TV as a babysitter", but until we get a baby, I'm not really sure how we're going to handle it. As a little kid i remember watching Sesame Street and Mr Rogers and Gentle Ben and Flipper on the weekends with my daddy. We got cable when I was about 6 or 7 and I was allowed to watch DIsney and some of Nickelodeon and the occasional MASH rerun with daddy at night. Got addicted to prime time TV around 10 with my first crush on MacGyver. I still think of him fondly. My mom kept tabs on how much TV I watched until I was about 12. I think i turned out fine, but I also spent so much time reading that it easily balanced it out. I'm a huge pop culture fan - and I love my Gilmore Girls, but I can't stand most kids TV these days, so for my own sanity I may not allow my children to watch TV for a good long while.

[Siobhan]

Seth started watching sesame street at about a year old and he loves it. I'm ashamed to admit that when he now has his typical 19 month old tantrum the one thing that will always calm him down is Sesame Street. We Tivo so we always have a few episodes on hand. It doesn't have any commercials which is an added bonus. He has also learned the pat your head song from Ernie and it's pretty adorable. I think it's also helping him to learn ABCs as he tries to say them along with me and he can count to three on rare occasions. The only really bad thing is that the only other thing he pays attention to on TV is the Simpsons. I know we'll have to stop letting him watch it once he can understand it but he just loves it so much right now. The movie comes out on his birthday and my husband wants to take him but I have a feeling we would look like really bad parents taking our 2 year old to the Simpson's movie. Overall I don't think TV has hurt him but I know it is something that will have to be dealt with soon so he doesn't get overload. We also have a tendency to just have the TV on and it's a habit I really need to break. I think Jen and I got that from our parents.

[Beret]

My daughter started watching Playhouse Disney and PBS shows at around a year. We love tv, and she did too. As she's grown her viewing has tapered off and we've limited the amount to one show a day (most days she doesn't even watch a show because she's in school).

She taught herself to read at 3 and had the vocabulary of a 10 year old at that age too (I don't kid). I think tv actually helped her, believe it or not. I think I tured out well after watching probably way too much SEsame Street, Mr. Rogers, and 3-2-1 Contact.

My son is 2 and just now started watching TV. When he used to get up at 4:45 am for the day I'd try to get him to watch a Baby Einstein video but he had no interest. He only wanted me, lol.

You are absolutely right when you assume parenting only gets harder. My daughters infant days were challening, but the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life was letting her go on her first day of Kindergarten, and the following days worrying about her getting her feelings hurt at school, or not being there to see all her activities. That was HARD in a way nothing else has ever been.

[Debs]

It was worth the wait - I loved it :-) (The personal penguin song)

[Cin]

Our house: One TV in the house. No more, ever. No cable. Lots of DVDs. We can get CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) and APTN (Aboriginal Peoples Television Network) without cable. We watch EWTN on the computer.

My babies never watched TV much, although Alex was addicted to opera. He once sat through the entirety of Carmen and sang the tunes for days (imagine an 18-month-old trying to sing, "Mais si tu m'aime pas, je t'aime!")

The Doodle-Bops ARE evil and teach your kid nothing but annoying songs.

Love Veggie Tales here and watch them often. Favourite silly song: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything and The Gated Community.

[Catherine]

Well, it's looks like I'm the odd one out here. We don't have a TV and never will. Both my husband and I felt enslaved to it in our former lives, and we want to avoid that for our son (now six months). We studiously avoid movies, as well, because they are nearly as addictive as TV. To stave off the movie-craving, my husband and I remind ourselves that Hollywood and the media in general have an agenda which is contrary to our Catholic faith. There are some movies which are neutral, or even a few that contain truth (i.e. Mel Gibson's *The Passion*). However, even the best of these "truths" can be found in other, better forms, such as books. By not allowing movies or TV in our home, we lose nothing but an easy, lazy form of entertainment. We *gain* clear, intelligent minds, a greater control over our family culture, increased purity of our hearts and minds and that of our children, and, we hope, a more Catholic life. Arwen, I think you would really enjoy *The Restoration of Christian Culture,* by John Senior.
Now, if I could only break my addiction to blogs!

[clearlydistracted]

None of my three children were at all interested in TV until after their second birthdays. Then they each (well, my daughter isn't 2 yet, so she's not watching anything) went through a 6-month-or-so phase where they requested shows (Dora, mostly, I guess). Then when they got old enough to really be interested in longer stories (some time before their third birthday for my 2 boys), we started reading chapter books and that has pretty much replaced the TV. I think kids might have the same type of TV attitude that they see in their parents. We don't watch tv until after they're in bed, so maybe they just don't think that tv watching is something that people spend time doing.

And those poop explosions? For us, those tapered off rapidly soon after they started eating more solids.

[Maureen]

At this point, I'm trying not to let Jack watch any TV only because I don't want him to be as big of a TV head as I am. Of course, it's easy now, because he's an easy baby and plays happily by himself all the time which allows me to shower, cook dinner, etc, as needed. If he was a screamer I might have already started him on Baby Einstein.

I think shows are fine for a treat or for rest time, so I'd stock up on Wiggles, Kipper the Dog, Baby Einstein, Blue's Clues, etc. dvds.

"It's easy to be a good parent of a stubborn preschooler if you don't have a stubborn preschooler." Wise words.

And finally, _Barnyard Dance_ is Jack's favorite book. That and the one about farm animals where I make clucking sounds.

[Michele]

Another great kid's author who includes CDs with his books: the multi-talented John Lithgow. I recommend "Marsupial Sue" and "I'm a Manatee," and challenge you not to get the songs stuck in your head.

Cracked up at the poop photo--I remember those days, and think I actually used scissors to cut off the outfit a time or two, if it was just too much!

TV--gets much harder when they're the ages of my daughters (13, 11, and 9). Helps that they're very busy and we do not have cable, but we're still subject to egregious sexual jokes from syndicated sitcoms aired at 7 p.m. (I actually love Friends and Seinfeld but they're adult shows.) We watch very little, but our favorite family TV is American Idol. Laugh if you must, but we can all enjoy it, doesn't matter if you miss a week here or there, and the content is really okay. Not that Milla would watch Idol . . .

[Ersza]

Chiming in late here...I think TV is neither harmful nor helpful to children and babies, but it is something that can be overused, and I think it's a bad thing to let it take over your life, so that you have to watch this or that show. It can really eat up your time. (As can the internet also). You end up turning on the TV for no reason and sitting in front of it watching whatever is on next. There's a book you can read which has an interesting perspective. It's called Everything Bad is Good for You. I forget the author's name, but the title will get you to it. Read it!

Now, having said that, if TV is something you'd like to have in your lifestyle and enjoy, then have it. If it's not, and you don't feel any desire to watch, Milla will not be missing out by not having it. We began letting our son watch a bit of TV when he was an older infant. We would turn on a children's program in the morning while we rushed around getting ready for work. Occasionally, the Baby Einstein video, although I'm not a fan. It just seems like a glorified toy commercial to me. I would say by the time he was two, he was a regular TV watcher. It's probably better to follow the AAP guidelines, but how realistic is that? Are you supposed to lock the baby in a closet when older children are watching? And the rationale for not allowing any TV under two is based on pretty vague and inconclusive studies. I think it's more important to make sure your child has enough of the right kind of stimulation each day than to simply disallow a certain activity.

We don't have a daily time limit on TV watching. That never worked for us, and besides, some days you just feel like watching a lot of TV. And in the dark days of winter, there's not much else to do. There's other times when we are so busy having fun outdoors or running around doing this and that that we forget about the TV completely. What we do instead is incorporate limits into our daily routine, like being allowed to watch a video with breakfast, or no TV after 8 pm, etc. Kids understand units of one video or one show much better than units of time. It also really, really helps to have a DVR. We have an older ReplayTV unit, from before they destroyed the commercial skip function, and it is awesome for protecting us from too much commercial exposure (younger children cannot rationalize this and they believe every commercial they see), and also keeping us from falling into the trap of watching one program after another. I also try to watch TV *with* my son as much as possible, rather than letting the TV separate us. We don't have TV in bedrooms at our house. There is one TV set in the living room that has to be shared by everyone for all TV watching, and also is the only box used for video games. That also forces limits on everyone by default.

One place that TV is a blessing is in the car. Long car trips are very tough for small children, and watching movies on the road can make it easier. There are also really quite a lot of good movies out there for children. I think the quality of TV programming and of movies has generally improved quite a lot since I was a child. (read more about that in Everything Bad is Good for You.)

As for one stage of childhood being easier--this really varies from child to child. The first three months were the toughest for me, and it has been pretty much downhill from there. Sure, there are "ages and stages." I thought two was a fun and easy age. But four was challenging. Very challenging. Different parents have differing strengths, and children have individual differences, too. I always thought I'd be a "baby lover," but I find I relate much better to school-aged children, and my son and I are starting to share interests and hobbies, which is a relief, since I got so tired of singing, "Wheels on the Bus." :-)

[Janssen]

I was a nanny for about six months and those kids were TV ADDICTS. . . the two year old would watch shows one after the other. The older one (four) wanted EVERYTHING that played in the commercials. We didn't have TV growing up and only owned about two movies until I was ten or twelve. I love movies, and my husband and I enjoy watching them together, so I think there is nothing inherently wrong with movies. The thing that bothered me so much about the kids I watched was that they were TERRIBLE at entertaining themselves. They couldn't even eat a snack without begging to watch a show. The first few times I drove them places (and I'm five minutes to the park or to pick up their older sister from school) they whined constantly that I didn't have a TV in my car like both their parents did. I think it's an important life skill to be able to entertain yourself and keep yourself interested without the crutch of TV the second you are are alone or it's quiet.

[Becki]

If we did not already have a tv at this point, I wouldn't get one. Nobody NEEDS a tv. And that particular Pandora's box is difficult to close once it's been opened. I don't think it's necessarily horrible, developmentally speaking, for kids to watch it, but I think it's better if they don't.

[Slim]

I guess you won't be asking how to treat constipation, huh?

Anyway. I find TV very useful for mesmerizing small people enough to let me cut their fingernails.

[Cathy]

We have 3 kids and no TV. About three years ago, when the youngest was 10, we got a computer that let us watch DVDs at home. Before that, seeing a movie meant going to a theater and it was a big treat that didn't happen very often. We did all go to Harry Potter, Lord of the Ring and Star Wars movies together and usually really enjoyed them. We are still holding out against Netflix and so the kids see rented movies once in a while (once every month or two), often because it's related to some school project or unit.

The lack of television has worked beautifully for our family. Our kids are extremely good at amusing themselves with books or boardgames or art or cooking projects or playing games outdoors. When they were younger, they spent winter days building elaborate villages out of blocks and lego and wooden train track or castles for their knights and dragons.

In the evenings when they were in elementary school, we played violin and piano with them. The suzuki method encourages parents to learn too and we both had to practice our instruments alone and with the kids. As they got older, they practiced on their own. When they were little, we often walked to playgrounds on summer evenings. Best of all, and I still miss it, I checked 30 or 40 picture books out of the library every week (we have 5 library cards) and we read a big pile every evening after dinner and baths. I did continue to read chapter books out loud but the older kids prefered to read to themselves by 4th grade or so. I still read out loud to them when we go on long car trips. We read them the first volume of the Lord of the Rings on a backpacking trip. Sharing the books you loved when you were a kid has to be one of the best parts of having children!

There are several advantages to not having a TV. First of all, you don't have to police their usage. Arguing with your in-house lawyers gets old very rapidly. Also, reading is difficult to master and it takes practice to become a rapid, fluent reader. It's easier for children to find the time and energy to read that interesting but challenging book on their own if the easy option of watching TV is not available. Since she did not see many movies or music videos, our daughter enjoyed her childhood and did not feel a need for fashionable clothes or makeup until she reached high school. In fact, our kids always came across to others as a little old-fashioned and sheltered from the modern world. I found that they were much less comfortable with violent books than their classmates and that sometimes I needed to help them ask a teacher for a different book to complete an assignment in 5th-7th grades.

Somehow we managed when they were little. Either they played by themselves while we did something critical like make a meal or sometimes the house stayed dirty and we read a lot of books or went to the park. Often, major house keeping chores happened when we were both home because we could work together and get it done fast or one of us could do kid-care while the other finished the house work. The older kids learned pretty rapidly that if they woke the infant up, they got no attention at all for a while. It did help that the children were at least 2 years apart so the oldest one could talk well when the next one came along.

Anyway, we have read a lot of books and learned to play instruments and spent a lot of time talking to each other that might otherwise have been eaten up by television. Not having a TV really worked for our family and we don't regret its absence at all!