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Friday, May 26, 2006

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With our first child, my husband and I decided not to tell the gender, though we found out ourselves. I think it was because I didn't want to be pressured about names from my family, though probably it was mostly that we were being kind of obnoxious (ah, newlyweds!). Well, baby was a girl, and her little dresser was full of yellow and green onesies. After a few weeks I longed to dress my daughter in pink pink PINK but as we were on a tight budget I couldn't afford to buy her new clothes then.

It was fun concealing the gender and name the first time around, but the next time we wanted people to be excited with us. With baby 2 we told everyone that she was a girl, but didn't divulge the name. So she wore plenty of pink. And with baby 3, we told everyone that baby's name was Isabel. So she got personalized stuff.

And next time I'm pregnant we'll certainly find out the gender, because if it's a boy we're going to need a whole new baby wardrobe after three girls.

I totally agree about finding out the sex of the baby. I wouldn't want to know because I think it would be a fabulous surprise -- with a 40 week buildup -- for everyone involved. Of course, the doctor will likely already know.

FWIW, everyone has always said that my name is "beautiful." In fact, it's just about the first thing everyone says to me. I'm not advocating you use it (and especially not that you name the baby after me; I am not quite that narcissistic (yet)), but I wanted to drop it out there. Of course, I guess it's technically a "Jewish" name, but seeing as you are named "Arwen," I suppose it shouldn't matter much...

Good luck! I am looking forward to your 18-week pictures. If it makes you feel any better, I also have to work on Saturday and Monday, so I don't get much of a weekend either. I do get all next week off, though, so I guess it's a tradeoff. :)

Where do you check the name stats on the social security page?

So glad you're feeling better! Woo hoo!


We decided not to find out the gender of the baby either; it annoys people that they CAN'T buy you pink or blue stuff. :) I have been told, though, that what happens is people wind up buying you practical stuff instead of half a ton of pink dresses. Which is true; we have half a ton of yellow and green blankies. ;)

To me, there is so little you are surprised about in life; this should be one of them.

As for names, gah. We are on vacation this week and swore we would come home with a name (well, a boy and a girl name) picked out. Yeah, we're going home tomorrow with NOTHING. Nada. My husband has a very unusual (ethnic) name and does not want any part of giving a baby a very unusual name; he is ok with it as long as it is pronounceable and spellable, which his is not, most of the time. My criterion is that if it is a name of his ethnicity, my family and I need to be able to pronounce it as well. We are getting headaches over this. Ugh. I hope it's going better for you guys.


Again, glad to hear everything is going much better. Enjoy your ultrasound. OH yeah, and FWIW, my doctor doesn't know the gender either -- a different doctor read it and gave her the results but they did not tell her so she wouldn't "spill the beans". I think that's kind of cool!

But the important question I have is: What movie are you seeing and was it any good?

We never knew ahead of time with any of our babies. I love hearing that "It's a boy/girl!" at the end. We pick 2-3 names for each gender and decide after we meet him/her.

I've enjoyed that, but I have also enjoyed listening to others who have decided to find out and named the baby too - it's fun either way, I think!

I like the comment about gender neutral name. We have the same name and I have had on more than one occasion had people been suprised when I showed up and was a woman. I think Arwen is a very feminine name but I also read the Trilogy and know the it is a female welsh name. And, go figure, our daughter was named Elizabeth, nothing male about that. We found out the sex because Hubby wanted to know, I knew from about 12 weeks she was a girl... I just knew, it was weird.

I'll be happy if we can just eventually agree on 2 names for each gender, though it would be nice to have choices should the fetus duo be same-sex. :-)

And I still cannot get over you being at 18 weeks. Why does it seem like time is flying by everywhere except within my own house?

I concur with there being such a thing as too much pink - it's pretty but I also liked coral and orange shades, which were very in style at the time and by coincidence went well with my daughter's coloring.
We didn't know the sex of our first (a boy) because he managed to put his tush to the sono wand everytime. With my second I "found out" but told no one, well except my sister and a few others - even my DH didn't know and I never admitted I did, until now here on the internets! I secretly shopped and scored big time with clearance sales because ya know, there is very little in gender-neutral clothing above the newborn size!

Hey! Be happy with 18 weeks!! :) With my first (girl) I was sick for 28 weeks, and with my second (boy) the full 40 weeks. It's part of the reason dh had a vasectomy! And I totally agre.....be surprised, it is sooo great :). With my girl, she was shy and we could not see and were convinced it was a boy - what a shock and surprise! Then, with my boy, they told us "girl" at the u/s and again, a shock! In the end, I'm so glad we didn't know.....and if I happened to get pg again (uuugh), I would never want to find out! :)

My folks played the guessing game with me (I would have been Adam Elliott if I had been a boy - and I actually have spent quite a bit of time wondering what I would have been like as a boy), but not with my siblings. I have no idea what changed for them; it certainly wasn't wardrobe concerns, since we all wore hand-me-downs from older cousins, and it wasn't the wallpaper, since we all had gender-neutral room themes.

Good for you for holding out on finding out the gender! So many of my friends find out the sex of the baby and even have the baby named, by the time of the shower. As a result, all of the baby gifts come "personalized" and monogrammed.(bags, clothes, etc). (Here in the south, everyone is very into monograms...is it the same in MI?)

Kinda neat, but then they are definitely "locked in" to that particular name. ;-) And then when the baby is born- nothing is a surprise! The only unknown thing is "what will the baby weigh?"

So happy to hear you're at 18 weeks already! Almost halfway there!!

We chose not to find out the gender of our child either, for most of the reasons you stated. Also, we took a not-so-secret delight in the consternation of our friends, some of whom literally could NOT understand why we wouldn't want to find out. We tried to explain it to them, but they couldn't wrap their heads around it. As a result we got a lot of yellow and green gifts, but that turned out to be okay -- our daughter's skintone works amazingly well with yellow and green, which floors me because mine totally doesn't... but anyway. Our favorite baby color is light purple/lavendar, why don't they make more clothes in that color?

I'm glad you're feeling better! Enjoy going to movies while you still can! ;-)

You're going to get a million stories and opinions about this one ... but I still have to share ours. =) Here goes ... we didn't find out what we were having when I was pg with Aidan, and I loved it. But even better? Hearing Toby say, "Oh! Oh my gosh! It's a BOY!" in the delivery room (we asked ahead of time that he be the one to tell me). To this day it is one of the most magical, beautiful, special memories we have. =)

Have a wonderful evening out with your hubby!

ok Arwen, I just have to ask... Are you actually going to reveal the name of the baby when the arrival is here. I ask this because with everyone else in your family you use role play names {which I completely understand, however it drives me crazy to know your siblings names}, so will we get to really know the name? If you didn't tell us, you know that would just be cruel!!!! Can't wait to hear!
Bev

There is an important psychological reason not to find out the gender. That way you will continue to daydream about both sexes. I've seen parents who know their child's sex completely script the kid's life before they're even out of the womb.
Without knowing what it is, you're half as likely to do that either way.

Glad you're feeling better! Savor the surprise at the end.

Glad you're feeling better! You know... Better late than never and all.

I think you've made a fabulous choice in waiting till the birth to find out the sex of your baby. That's one of my favorite parts about my son's birth. After all the waiting, and the very long, very hard birth, I got to reach down and catch my baby. I scooped him un and held him against me and cried with him for a while. And then I got to be the first to know and I joyfully annouced, "We have a baby boy!" There's just nothing like it!

I am with the waiting for birth to find out. Hearing "It's a girl" (which was true for all of my children) was such an incredible thrill -- especially with the first one, where my first words were "It's a BABY!" I've always thought that finding out ahead of time was like peeking at your Christmas presents before Christmas. It just seems like it takes away one of the few mysteries left in the world. Oh, and as to needing 18 weeks to feel better, I was still puking the morning my last daughter was born.

Good luck with the ultrasound! I can understand wanting to keep the baby's gender a secret even from yourself :). (Did Rosie find out what she's having, incidentally?) We asked to know our baby's sex at our ultrasound, because frankly, what with our whole infertility caper, by that point we were pretty sick of surprises of any nature. We didn't tell the baby's name until he was born, though (warding off the evil eye and all that) and that's always the aspect of a new baby's birth I've been most interested in.

I'm so glad you're feeling better! We didn't find out gender with either of my babies, and I'm so happy about that. I was truly OK with either gender, and there is something so truly magically parental about forming a deep, emotional connection with a being that you know nothing about, not even gender-it felt like a hint of the unconditional love that children bring. And the "It's a girl!" moment (both times) was beautiful. Our latest, 2 month old Else (pronounced Elsa) Delaney wasn't named til she was 12 hours old-we went in with a list, but couldn't decide what fit her. That made everyone crazy, but it worked for us.

Our 20-week scan is in ONE WEEK... I can hardly believe it is finally here. The wait has been truly exasperating. Our practice does not do sonograms unless there is a necessary medical reason and so far, this pregnancy has been textbook for me... in other words, our 20-week scan will be our very first glimpse of the baby. Who we are hoping will reveal its gender. But name? I think we will keep that to ourselves until he/she is born.

Wondering if you've started feeling any movement yet? I'm feeling it now, very very sporadically, but my husband was able to feel a little kick by chance the other day in the car. I hope you feel it soon!

Hi, Arwen. I'm so glad that the pregnancy yuckiness has abated and that you are feeling much better.

First, the fact that you're still in your pj's at 4:00 makes me really like you.;)

I too had nausea pretty intensely until 4 1/2 months along. I THOUGHT the nausea was gone after that, but to this day if I smell the lotion I wore throughout my pregnancy or hear a song that was popular I instantly feel subtle nausea. The same kind of nausea that you can expect to linger throughout. You just won't know it until you get that baby out! So, enjoy. ;)

Looking forward to scan pics!

I'm glad you're finally feeling better. Too bad we'll have to wait until the birth to find out what you're having. Oh well, I'll be patient.

Hmmm---coming up on 19 weeks now---it probably doesn't feel that way to you but it seems to be FLYING by.

Arwen,

Lurker de-lurking here! I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. I just HAD to comment on this post because you and I share so many of the same philosophies as far as naming and finding out the sex of the baby. I'm currently 29 weeks, and my husband and I decided not to find out the gender of our baby. It's all anyone else can seem to talk or think about, and everytime people in my family talk to me, the first thing they want to know is if I've had any "feelings" about what the baby will be. To be perfectly honest, I find that I don't really think about the gender that much at all. It just doesn't matter to me, not even in the slightest, so the thought of that big surprise right at the end is truly thrilling (and I usually HATE surprises.)

Anyhow, I was just so thrilled to find someone else who made the same decision we did (as well as all of you who commented that you made similar decisions.) We're taking a prepared childbirth class right now, and we're the only couple in the class who didn't find out the gender. Everyone acted as if we were insane! I was beginning to think we were the last people left who wanted to be surprised!

Just make sure you mention to them at the ultrasound that you don't want to know... sometimes the doctors get a little excited and spit it out (or so I've been told.) We had two very thorough ultrasounds (to screen for a genetic thing on my husband's side) but they were very good about it and warned us to look away if anything "telling" was going to show up on the screen.

Okay, now that I've rambled on forEVER... so glad that you're feeling better. Enjoy the ultrasound! It's the most magical experience.

I so agree with you about not finding out the gender--the most thrilling words were "It's a boy!! or It's a girl!!"
I added to the excitment and joy of the day

Although we found out the sex of the baby because I am too impatient to wait, I know that there is still a small chance it could be wrong. That is why we are waiting until he is born to name him, you know, just in case he's a girl!

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