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Friday, December 09, 2005

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My husband and I have been married for almost eleven years and have been infertile the entire time. We're both Christians and there is so much you are alwalys posting about that I nod my head and think, "Yes!" This post really struck my chords. We have never felt released to seek fertility treatments or adoption, so I understand why you feel the way you do right now. Recently, I have come to a place spiritually where I completely trust that God has something amazing in store and I know that it has been well worth the suffering of infertility. Whether that means we'll have a child or not, I don't know. The feeling I get is a feeling that is too big to wrap MY words around. I know that our infertility has opened a door for God to work in both of our lives and in our marriage. I find myself rejoicing over what the Lord has done in my life, amid the suffering and grief. Yes, it still hurts to be childless, but not as badly. Hope used to be too painful, but I have hope again. In that hope I have a peace I can't explain or even describe.

De-lurking here to say Wow, hold on to that hope, it's wonderful to find it again.

Wow. Just wow. I'm so glad you are in this place. How wonderful to have Your Own Advent, especially this time of year.

Arwen,

I was very glad to see this post. Cf yesterday's conversation, I think that for every person who misunderstands there will be another who is inspired by what God is doing in your life. Count me among the inspired.

Pax,
Kate

You gave me chills!!

I definitely think God has a plan for you and it will be awesome!!

Bless you. I'm so glad you've come to this. We've been given what we THINK will be our final outcome, but even if it doesn't work out, my faith was restored in a flash in the moment the course we're on was revealed to us. It's like it cured the infertility, just like that. Now I'm waiting for something else, in another area of my life, and I know I can bear it because I bore the other wait. THANK YOU again for being out here and sharing your experiences!

The Day Will Come

That's so beautiful. I'm happy for you. Hope really can feel like the enemy for so many things, but has to be embraced just the same, because if not, where does that leave us? ery tough issue, anyway, and its nice to hear you're in a good place.
On a totally different note, if you're looking for things to blog about, I have an idea for you. Maybe two weekends ago one of the readings at mass reminded me of the readings my husband and I chose for our wedding (it wasn't the same, but struck a similar chord with me) and that made me wonder what you and Bryan might have picked for your wedding, and why. I'd think a general discussion about that'd be pretty interesting - why different scriptures are important to different people, etc...

I occasionally find myself not directly asking God for things (semi-miraculous things) because I somehow feel that "God doesn't work that way" or "that's cheating". Which is very silly, of course. Recently I've gotten better at catching myself when I start to withdraw like that, and forcing myself to go ahead and ask God for miracles, child-like. (One of the miracles I periodically ask him for is that you and Bryan may conceive soon, or otherwise be able to take a major step towards gaining a child through adoption.) :-)

Thank you so much for sharing so truthfully.
May God grant you the courage you need to keep hoping.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

I came to you through Cecily's blog. I love the way you have described the rekindling of hope in your life. I've hit that point in some moments, but personally, I'm still discerning whether or not I have already heard what God's will is for us regarding conception, and just can't accept it yet. Anyhow, I'm looking forward to visiting you more often!

Found your blog from Karen's Naked Ovary. This was a great post for me to start! I'm in about the same place as you.

I've not read your situation (but I will; I'm very interested) yet, but my own will take a miracle as well. I'm around four hundred years old (well, that is how the doctors treat me) and my husband has lazy, mishaped sperm, the few of them that there are (again, that is the way the doctors act about him.) Our chances of getting pregnant with fertility treatments are around 5%. Our chances without treatment are less than 1%.

But....last cycle, we got a positive HPT. It was a very short pregnancy; I was spotting for days before my period's due date and then began my period just two days late. But, somehow one of the few slow, mishapen sperm my husband has united with one of my few remaining eggs, even if just for a few weeks. Even though we knew it was short term (my temps had dropped when I took the test), it gave us .....hope.

Hope is good, but scary. God is also good, but scary.

I'm saying a prayer for you right now. I wish you success in your TTC.

Hi Arwen- I love the post about Advent and Miracles.

Isn't it funny how sometimes we can earnestly believe that Miracles will happen to others, but not for ourselves? I see no reason not to expect a miracle for you and your husband.... But it is much harder to expect the same happening for me. I really wouldn't be surprised to log on one day and find out that you're pregnant. Yet, it is so much harder to think that way for myself.
Praying for your miracle,

I've known a lot of Orthodox Jews who also struggled with infertility. One once asked a speaker, "When do I fight with God and pray for a baby and when do I just accept what he has given (or not given) to me?" The answer was that we can always pray for children. Children can come into our lives in so many ways including every avenue you are exploring, including the hope that pregnancy IS possible. But if God doesn't make the prayer come true that way specifically, he will in some other way. Whatever way is just right in fact.

"Never think that God's delays are God's denials.
Hold on; hold fast; hold out.
Patience is genius."

-George Louis Leclerc Comte De Buffon

You are in my prayers

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