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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

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I've read this several times and still don't know what to say that wouldn't sound horribly clumsy. But I guess it boils down to this; the way you're handling this is really, really impressive. You wouldn't be alive if you didn't have days when the bottom suddenly dropped out like that. (It's like that bit in "The Documents In The Case" when John Munting refers to "feeling as hollow as a piece of bamboo. Good description, that). Tea and a book are always good when you need them - Wodehouse is excellent for that sort of thing - very few children, and the ones who do appear are surly spoiled brats you wouldn't wish even on your most clueless hyperfertile relative :).

Praying for you two, and your future baby, however he or she decides to appear!

Above everything else you must remember that, god made you a certain way for a reason. THings may not make sense right now, and you may feel like life is not so good but remember that when one door closes another will open, to create a nice warm breeze on your soul.

You have helped me through so much, and it burns me up that I can't really do anything to "solve" your infertility the way you've solved so many of my problems. I don't know why this had to happen to you, but I know that I would bear it for you if I could. I love you so much, and you and Michael are in my prayers!

p.s. Even if you weren't struggling with IF, the secretary's comment would still be completely out of line!!!!

Don't have much to offer except that I agree, you wouldn't be human if you were always okay with IF. It is so very hard- finding ways to let it out, even if it makes you feel raw and exposed, is so important.

Elizabeth, I am so sorry. I don't post replies often, but I read your blog often. You and your husband have been in my prayers.

I think you push feelings down so often, and you don't even realize it, that eventually, something bubbles to the surface.

You have every right to have a few bad days now and then.

I'm sorry -- I'm praying for you! :-(

It's amazing how a sad/fragile day can just drain the energy right out of you. Sometimes, on days like that, I'm actually a little afraid to go home, because I'm not sure I'll be able to get myself to leave again.

About once a month in college (when all was right with my world in every respect) I would get meaningless sad days, "grey fuzzy days" I called them. Hormones weren't at fault -- the timing was too unpredictable. For lack of any other reason, I came to the conclusion that the emotional part of my brain was having to conduct negative-emotion fire-drills, just to stay limbered up, lol. Ah, what an imagination I had!

{{{Elizabeth}}}

I know those type of days, but it's easy to say that I remember. It's harder when you're in the long wait.

more hugs and more prayers that God's timing and path is clear.

Hang in there, sweetie - infertility is just hard. I have times where I'm just fine, and other times where I just want to crawl under my desk and stay there. I'll be going along with a fine day sometimes and then out of nowhere, something in my head will start screaming "you're 37! you've been trying for 5 years! you might never have kids!" - the pain is like a knife sometimes. My goal is to stop getting so disturbed by those bad times, and stop trying to be permanently "all better". If it never happens for us, I expect that pain will always be there, but I have faith that God will give me the strength to bear it (and eventually make clear what it was FOR). You're in my prayers...

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